is this the new year or just another night?

don't wait, don't wait
the streets are now a sudden sea
and suddenly you're in too deep
to lay your armor down
don't wait, don't wait
the lights will flash and fade away
the days will pass you by
don't wait to lay your armor down

I only have one really big New Year's resolution: don't wait. I've decided I'm tired of being shy and hesitant and afraid to witness and laugh and be the person God made me to be... so in oh-seven, that's what I'm going to try not to do. I think it's possible, and with God involved, I can take hold of every amazing thing He's got planned for me. I learned in '06 that it's true what Superchic[k] says about God bringing beauty from pain... and this year I'm going to trust that that's true and just go. Because all I have is what God gives, and that's all the life that I was meant to live :]

happy 2007!

Head Over Heels [In This Life]- Switchfoot

Head over here and take me

Head over heels and aching

When I told you I was yours

I was yours

In this life, you're the one place I call home

In this life, you're the feeling I belong

In this life, you're the flower and the thorn

You're everything that's fair in love and war

I'm coming down like a gunshot

In all these battles I've fought

You're the mark I'm aiming for

I was yours

Head over heels

In this life I'm stubborn to the core

In this life I've been burning after more

We both know what these open arms are for

You're everything that's fair

In this life, you're my only one

Think about it... I know I have been. Okay, I've had the CD for a day, but still :]. Who is my "only one?" Who really gives me the feeling of belonging? God? Friends? Family? I know what the answer should be, but on the surface it looks okay if I were to pick friends or family... "the feeling I belong?" why not? But are they the "mark I'm aiming for?" That doesn't really make any sense. So that only leaves one answer... am I willing to let God become my only one, and can I kill my pride for long enough to fall in love with Him? And what does it mean to be "in love" with God? Will it come down to defending what I know is true to maybe save one person even when it'll potentially cost the salvation of ten innocent kids?

In this life, I'm stubborn to the core...

Come and behold Him

born the King of angels
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord!

Merry Christmas!

countdowns !!

Ten random things about me:
10) Current jam = Superchic[k]
9) I love helping people with math and grammar and stuff, and not to brag but I'm really good at it :]
8) I love reading
7) Journalism is currently what I want to do with my life
6) I took the picture on my desktop
5) Freddie Mercury or Shakespeare is probably the most amazing person who ever lived
4) I'm still on chapter one of my break reading
3) I play guitar and piano and started writing a song yesterday
2) Helping other kids with their faith is probably the most important thing I'll ever do
1) I believe in true love and love at first sight

Nine ways to win my heart:
9) Make me laugh :]
8) Be a strong Christian
7) Be a musician
6) Carry on an intelligent conversation
5) Be good-looking... hey, I'm human :]
4) Do something childish once in a while
3) Respect my family and like my friends
2) Be open about faith
1) Make me laugh some more :]

Eight things I want to do before I die:
8) Go to Paris
7) Lead someone to faith
6) Ride the x-flight :]
5) Get married
4) Go to Ireland
3) Meet Chuck Norris [just to say I did]
2) Learn to play and write music just for the sake of it
1) Publish

Seven things that annoy me:
7) Fake people
6) Guys [and girls] who just want sex
5) Drama without a cause
4) The divisions between "Christian music" and "secular music" when it's all good music
3) Answering machines
2) Stories without a point
1) That one Amy Grant song... "I dream of simple things" AAAH

Six things I believe in:
6) A thing called love :]
5) The general goodness of music
4) Friends forever
3) Living in the present moment
2) God
1) Forgiving and forgetting

Five things I'm afraid of:
5) Spiders
4) Embarrassment
3) Never being forgiven
2) Losing
1) Failing

Four of my favorite things:
4) Acoustic guitar
3) Hot chocolate [with vanilla and cinnamon, of course]
2) Switchfoot
1) Youth group

Three things I do everyday:
3) Sing
2) Shower
1) Pray

Two things I want to do right now:
2) Dance
1) Get something to drink

One person I want to see right now:
1) No one in particular :]

in this life

You're the one place I call home.

at the moment, I love:

01. being on break! I slept until almost ten today after staying up 'till three on Friday and making the best cookies ever on Saturday. No responsibilities, no reason to do anything but hang out... aaaaah.

02. musiccc. I may have lost my ability to write free verse but I'm catching up to lyrics. and gueetar. and spending a few hours just messing around is very, very nice.

03. life. not being perfect. dancing. singing. Switchfoot. Christmas. cookies. friends. Harry Potter. writing a story. running out of energy. I pretty much love life even with all its ups and downs and spin-arounds and I love living it with every ounce of anything I've got left and just living to laugh. because life is the best kind of life :]

In this life you’re the one place I call home
In this life you’re the feeling I belong
In this life you’re the flower and the thorn
You’re everything that’s fair in love and war...

Switchfoot- Oh! Gravity- eight days! ♥

opprotunity :]

Opprotunities seem to be popping up all over now that other things have settled down and I'm so excited !!! God is actually going to use me. That's the coolest thing in the world.

01. There was a guy named Justin on the prayer list for a while, I think... [if not, Justin is one of my close friends who believes in reincarnation, evolution, the Big Bang, among all sorts of other things] well, Justin asked me the other day what it means to be "born again." He wants to come to youth group sometime, and until then, Dan and I are going to be witnessing our faces off. Keep praying for him.

02. You've probably heard from Brittany or Dan, but the three of us along with four other kids are helping lead this HUGE Catholic retreat in January. It's like six churches, probably over a hundred kids. I don't know how much we'll get to share with the kids because it's only one night and we're not in their cabins or anything, but Kyle will be one of the counselers [he's been on the prayer list too] and so will these two other hardcore Catholic kids, Rachel [who I LOVE] and Brian [who I love more, if possible]. So some cool stuff might be going on here too.

03. I'm thinking of going back to OLV youth group once a month or so after the new year. I love Brown Street and I've learned a lot from going every week, but I feel like I'm not serving like I should be. I feel so incredibly called to the Catholic Church that NOT helping feels like a sin. Plus I've really missed the kids there :]

04. Yet another Catholic chance... I might get to help out in Sunday school next school year. I'll be old enough, and my mom already teaches so they know who I am. I always HATED Sunday school, and Emily told me about this one lady she knows who teaches the gospel in the same kind of situation, so I really want to see something awesome take place here. This is still a very big maybe though.

I catalog these steps now
Decisive and intentioned
Precise and patterned specifically to yours
I'm talented at breathing
Especially exhaling
So that my chest will rise and fall with yours
Won't you hold me now?
I will not bend, I will not break

For you I rise, for you I fall

I am fairly agile
I can bend and not break
Or I can break and take it with a smile
And I am so resilient
I recover quickly
I'll convince you soon that I am fine...

I don't even know what's happened to me... but I literally cannot write anymore. I sat down last night because I had this melody in my head and I was trying to come up with words and nothing came out. Literally nothing. And what I could think of was pretty much awful. Maybe I've improved so much on journalism that my artistry has gone completley down the drain. I don't know. But I'm terrified. I honestly wonder if, because I just shoved this gift [well, I consider it a gift] off to the side to focus on other things, God just took it away. Would He do that? I don't see why not. I'm learning over and over that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, and He's taken everything from a purse to an heirloom to a talent... but my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name.

Another thing on my mind: have you ever felt like you just can't ask someone to pray for you, even when you know you need to? Did you ever think there's some kind of happy-go-lucky apperance you have to keep up and it would be letting others down to show them weakness? I know about humbling yourself and admitting that you need help, but I don't feel like pride is keeping me back here... I feel like... oh, heck, maybe it is pride. I don't know. I don't really have any idea. And hopefully you'll understand that I could really use some prayer right now because I'm to concerned with my apperance to ask for it?

Try to understand there's an old mistake
that fools will make
and I'm the queen of them
pushing everything that's good away...