#12 - Emily K

I'm having a pretty introverted week and I kind of thought it was time to come back to being thankful, so here we go again...

I spent a few minutes during third block today explaining iambic pentameter to Emily, specifically unstressed-stressed syllables. She was having a tough time understanding it, I could tell, but she was really, really trying, and finally you could just see how it clicked. I was like, woah, as insignificant as this little Shakspearian detail is, she's working her butt off for it. That's just who Emily is. She's the hardest worker I've ever seen, and not just at schoolwork although I think that worries her more than anything. From listening to her talk about swimming, or seeing how sad she was that she couldn't type up the prayer request, or even watching how she always stops herself before saying anything negative about anything but a movie or a paper or something, I'm repeatedly reminded of this girl's innncredibly admirable work ethic.

Throughout the second half of my seventh-grade year, Emily sent me emails, asked me questions, wrote me notes, or had me look up verses at least once a week. She knew I wasn't saved and she was willing to work to get me there. After I spent a summer learning about Jesus and getting to know him [looking back on that whole summer, it seems like one long retreat, honestly], I was throwing questions about Catholicsism vs. Christianity at her all the time and she was back to work. I didn't always get the answers I was looking for, but she always did everything she could. Even this year, when I haven't found anything to seriously question yet, she's always popping up to ask me how I'm doing on this fine day [though she [thankfully] words it differently].

I don't know if she ever stops working, whether it's working to keep friendships strong, get to know God, ace an essay, beat her best swim time, anything. But I wish I could do it. I get home and crash because I just can't make myself do homework right away. I skip devotions if it's past eleven and I'm pooooooped from the day. And plenty of people would say that's reasonable, but I can't imagine how different I would be if Emily would share some of her big talent with me :]. Heck, I can't imagine how different I would be if Dan hadn't been playing with her one day at the pool before kindergarden and we'd never met. Jesus is ultimately responsible for the relationship I have with Him right now, but if I had to make a list, "Lil' Kozy" would most definitely be in second.

[not a number]

So I realize Thanksgiving came and went and I haven't posted in wayyy too long... so I think I'm stretching out my thankfulness until Christmas :]. By the way, HAPPY [slightly belated] THANKSGIVING TO YA! I hope everyone's turkey was as good as ours hehe

#11 - Kassie

So now that I'm, oh, four days behind, we come to a troubling subject: my dear aquantance Kassie Ann Wilmot. And pardon me, but I'm terribly excited for Alice in Wonderland tomorrow evening and I'm afraid I've picked up some kind of nineteen-thirties British manner of speaking :]

MOVING ON- I met Kassie in sixth grade drama club, because I was playing her babysitter and trying to convince her to come with me to rob a bank. My name was Carrie Coppins (ahem that's a play on names) and I had to make her eat tofu and she had to scream "I DON'T LIKE TOFU" and let me tell you we got GOOD at that :]. We grew pretty progressively closer through seventh grade, and when she had to take some crap from some of her good friends at the start of eighth I stood there with her and took what I could. Through the fall, winter, and part of spring of eighth grade, she was my best friend. The best friend I'd ever had and to this day have ever had. We could talk about everything, she was the first person I called for advice or just to hang out, and she knew what I was going to say before I said it.

Note the past tense there. I started playing guitar about a year after she had, last winter, and I think she thought I was competing with her. After that, our friendship was a little fragile, almost an off-and-on kind of thing. Then Emily, Brittany and I started hanging out and Kassie got a little pushed out. Then she and those friends that she fought with earlier started to come back together and I felt a little pushed out. From then until the summer was just a long train of events that ended with us silently hating each other. We started talking again at the beginning of this school year and I was really pumped, hoping maybe I could get a little piece of that one amazing friendship back again, and one day in mid-October it just all fell apart. I wasn't even there when it happened, but I came to lunch and Kassie was gone. Aparrently one of our friends had blown up at her with one of those "no one likes you" things and it was just STUPID because I'd thought she knew that at least I cared- but since then, I've tried to make conversation, left her myspace comments, sent her notes and emails, even smiled at her in the hallway. And all she'll do is look the other way. It hurts more than anything I've ever felt. It hurts as much as leaving ballet hurt, worse, because I know it's partly my fault. I have NOT been the greatest friend to Kassie and I'm a million percent aware of that, but I only wish she could find it in her heart to forgive me or at least acknowledge me. Heck, I just wish she'd come back to church or give me some assurance that she's not taking antidepressants like she said, but I'm starting to think that's just wishful thinking.

All in all, the past three years with Kassie have taught me SO MUCH. Most important is probably how important it is to think about consequences: had I cared about her instead of myself, I wouldn't be where I am now. Again, God gives and God has taken away, and while I have what I have, isn't it a sin to take that for granted? And if I'm ever in her place, which I have been and I'm sure I will be in the future, God, make me merciful and able to see from another's point of view. Maybe I think they're getting what they deserve, but guys, please remember this, NO ONE deserves being totally ignored by someone who means a tonn to them.

where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
somewhere alone in the bitterness
and I'll stay up with you all night
had I known how to save a life...

#10 - Lauren / Allie / Jordan

These are some of my favorite girls in the world. When I'm down, they don't even ask about it- they can tell, and just being with them cheers me up. No, they're not Christians, but they're willing to listen when I'm struggling with my faith. Sometimes with my youth group friends I feel like I have some sort of apperance to keep up because sometimes it feels like I'm competing for some sort of position [I don't understand it but that's how it feels sometimes], and that makes it hard to let people know when things aren't going too well. I can tell these three about my doubts and fights and they understand, and believe it or not they give me GREAT advice [and since they're not believers, if I'm not honest and pretend my Christian walk is just a walk in the park, what does that look like?]. If you read #9 [Brittany], you heard about a time last winter / spring when we weren't on the best of terms. That drew me away from Emily and Kassie, and when I felt myself falling it was Allie who helped me write it out, Jordan who got me to laugh it off and Lauren who reminded me that we're all people and were made to help each other. It was during that time that I shared the gospel with them, and for about two weeks straight they were getting closer and closer to a relationship with Jesus, and in turn I was getting stronger too. I don't know whether or not they actually got saved, though, a lot of stuff happened then that I'd rather just forget so let's just move on...

Basically, I've been praying daily for these three girls, some of my closest friends who've been there through it all, since about Banished 2005. They've taught me everything I know about witnessing, especially how crucial it is that you don't push it too hard and turn them away completely. They've reinforced that great lesson that Anistasia and Hillary taught me- people are generally good. Yes, they're the kind of people who don't particularly care about offending a Christian with what they say and do, and it definitely hurts when they blatantly ignore and / or put down faith, but I don't see that as a reason to stop being friends with them. They care about me and that's what really matters in a friendship, plus I have more fun with them than you can imagine. They've taught me that, ultimatley, saving a soul is NOT my responsibility. I have shared the gospel and hopefully I'll get to do it again, but only God can convince someone to actually have a relationship with Him. All I can do is praypraypray and pray some more, and share when I think it's God's will, but He's got the plan, not me. So long as I keep praying [and meaning it with all my heart], since the persistent prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective, I really do believe that God will bring them in in His time. Maybe it'll be next time I share what I know, maybe they'll meet someone in college who can do what I couldn't, maybe it won't be for fifty years. It's not mine to decide. They've taught me to trust God 100% and realize that all I can do is rely on Him and be the kind of friend that He was.

#9 - Brittany [happy birthday!]

a friend loves at all times...



If I've learned anything from Brittany it's the above. Sometimes she's the nicest, most fun person alive and we have a party, and sometimes she's got great ideas and / or advice, and to be perfectly honest, sometimes I really don't like her. We've known each other since probably second grade, and have been friends probably since fifth or so. Several times in the past five years I've noticed that sometimes things are just uggggg and it just seems like she doesn't really have any idea what's going on [but usually at those times life is just not in a good mood and I'm pretty introverted towards everybody and everybody's pretty annoying]. But, since I've called her a friend even during all that [well most of it], I need to love her. I think it was PD who said this summer at Patmos that "you don't always have to like everyone, you just have to love them." Let me tell you that's easier said that done, but I'm [slowly] learning. Being friends with Brittany has taught me a few biiiiiig things:

1. If you can't laugh at yourself, you're not going to last very long. I wonder sometimes if me and Brittany seem like we're really mean to each other, because half the time we're just making fun of something one of us [or both of us if we're in the concert mode hah] did one time.

2. The best way to prove someone wrong is to live life with no regrets. I'm not really in the mood to discuss last winter but the two of us were not exactly the closest of friends [this was an extended period where I didn't really like her] and I wanted to prove to her that having non-Christian friends and helping out at OLV was, in fact, not injuring my faith. I put more effort into everything, even just having fun, and it was incredible. I got stronger as a dancer and as a Christian, closer to some great people, even helped repair a friendship. I learned to channel my anger into the positives and it was amazing. Try it sometime :]

3. If you think someone is John Reuben, GO TALK TO HIM. Ditto with Steve from Sanctus Real.

4. Jealousy will kill you and it's the hardest battle to win. I've been struggling with envy in general this year and there have been quite a few sources of that [seriously like fifteen, I listed them out once a while back], Brittany was one of them. Brittany, if I've seemed weird to you, here you go, I've been fighting with myself and I'm sorry. Point being I've been slipping into that Seperate Peace-esq. "there was no harm in envying even your best friend a little" madness, and it's been taking a toll on every part of my life. Guys, if you can possibly avoid envy, DO IT. It's awful.

5. Put on a brave face and things will be okay. Sometimes all it takes to forget about something is to literally forget about it. Sometimes you've just got to take the good with the bad, accept that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, grin, and bear it. If you're able to laugh it off, things are going to be fine.

6. Before the average rock show, make a plan to get out before the mosh pit starts moshing.

7. Trust God and nobody else- friends are amazing, but they're still people. When I was fighting through the Catholic Church last year, it felt so very much like Brittany was pressurnig me to believe what was "her truth" at the time (Brown Street). I skipped my leading position at OLV a few times for BSBC yg and it felt straight-up wrong. I know now that Brittany was just trying to lead me to the truth [and that that just shows that she cared, not that she was trying to force it on me even though that's not how it felt], but God had a job for me at "Olive" and I that had to come first.

8. People are different. I like Anberlin, she's an FFH fan. She has devotionals, I prefer straight-up studying the Word. I read The Screwtape Letters while she's watching Narnia. I've got more close non-Christian friends than not and lots of "secular" CDs and she... well, doesn't, I guess. She jumps up to be friends with everyone, I'm more about observing and waiting for them to take initiative. I write and pray it out and keep it all in until I'm alone, she's not afraid to just cry. She'll wait for hours in the hot sun for one show, I'm... well, I would too, come to think of it :]

9. Next time you make a movie, make sure you watch it back after you cut it and everything. Just be sure there's not a body in the liiiiibrary :]

#8 (sorry a day behind!) - yoooouth group / retreats / etc. cool stuff :]

Basically I love youth group and I hope you do too :]. But since I can't make evening service very often and morning almost never, and since my family aren't the most supportive and I don't have too many Christian friends, seeing you kids at youth group and hearing a great message really keeps me going just when the week's getting incredibly loooooong. Especially these last two weeks have been AMAZING and I've learned so very much. It's been very, very, VERY challenging, but in a good way- very different from the way helping out at OLV was challenging. I was straight-up exhausted today and now looking back over my day, I really do hate my sin and that's sooo cool, not that there's sin there but because I'm a little more like God for hating it! That is THEE COOLEST thought except for how bad I feel that I did it at all :[. Anyway, youth group isn't always this powerful [at least not for me] but it's always a fannntastic refresher. It's my own personal two hours to get all my excess energy out that I've wasted sitting doing homework, to talk to [almost] anyone about [almost] anything and really really know they'll listen and really will pray for me. I admit I don't tell anyone everything, and I don't usually ask people to pray for me, and I still feel like an outsider when everyone else is hanging out in prayer meeting and talking about the e-team and Sunday service and whatnot, but to be honest that's probably the way it should be. I've been taught that I can pray and witness and greet people on my own, whatever group I may or may not be part of, and that goes for everything. I think it's been a good lesson for me to wait to really be a part of things, I've learned about sixty-three times more about service and being on the outside from my time at OLV and this fall at BSBC than I think I could have any other way. I've had to learn paitence, non-jealousy or whatever you would call it, and humility, among others, all of which I still don't have the strongest handle on. So I guess to sum this up... I'm most definitley thankful for fellowship with kids who support me because a) I've leared lessons in more ways than one [messages as well as those hard-learned ones] and b) I've found people I really, honestly can trust. It's very very amazing to know that there are people out there who really do love God with all their hearts and want to share that fabulous love with stupid little me :]

#7 - Dan

Dan's the man, what can I say? :] But really, I think I know Dan better than I know my own brother. I've known him almost as long- he introduced me to the Kozys the summer before kindergarden, plus he was Danny then haha. We've had the same experiences with living in two churches, and I'm starting to think Dan's has been a lot more like mine than I would've guessed. Sometimes it's hard to tell if he as an opinion at all because he's always so optimistic and nice, I haven't heard a mean word out of him in the past three years. That's something I really, REALLY admire, and Dan is one of maybe three people I know who've mastered it. He's also one of thee most supportive people alive, seriously, walking home and filling Dan in on my day just brightens it :]. We'll just be chatting and he'll make some comment that connects the situation to english class and it'll be hilarious. And- I just realized this, as I'm hanging out muching swiss cheese and typing this hah- I usually do most of the talking. He's perfectly content to just listen and throw in his two cents instead of pushing his problems on me- not that I don't like helping people, I really do, but I'm sure that's how Dan would see it. Actually I'm not sure if Dan even has any problems. He just hangs out and is perfectly content with everything and is always, always, ALWAYS enjoying life. That might be the thing I admire most about anybody alive, just that simple easy ability to enjoy. God has used Dan to reassure me that not all people are fickle and change in an instant and I don't have to watch my steps all the time to make sure I don't make someone angry. He's (God, I mean) also teaching me that sometimes it's better to just be silent, smile, and shrug it off- the walk home is long enough :]

#6 - Beckie

Just an update if you've just tuned in- I took a leaf out of Kristen A's blog from last Thanksgiving (someone filled me in and I thought, hey, that's a really cool idea! bonne idee! hehe) and, for the entire month of November, I'm writing about one person / group / thing that I'm thankful for. So here we go :]



I've known Beckie Kozy since I was about four years old. She's always been about ten times more outgoing and loud than Emily- I remember this one time, I don't know how old I was, when me and Emily used to hang out and trade stickers (it was an intense process, man) and Beckie just sort of popped up in the middle of it wearing... well I don't even remember exactly what she was wearing, but it was crazy, and she decided (somewhat forcefully) that we were going to play dress-up instead. After that, me and Emily moved our stickers to the bus :]

So was there a point to that story? Not really, I just thought it was funny. But while Emily is quiet, paitent, and studious like no one else ever, Beckie is a little more human. That's made her more of an example for me. God has used Beckie to remind me that a Christian doesn't have to be a perfectly clean-cut, follows-every-rule kind of person to have real, living faith. I admire how much she cares about people and isn't afraid to be friends with everyone and anyone, whatever they look like or believe. We're not all that much alike, but as long as we've known each other Beckie's always taken time to ask me how it's going, how my faith's doing, even hold me accountable every once in a while which is a BLESSING times about fifty-seven. Plus she brightens a walk home like nobody I know- it gets a little quiet with me, Emily and Dan :]

#5 - Hillary and Anistasia

You guys don't know these people either, but I think you should keep reading because you liked the Disney movie, cool? (Anistasia if you didn't catch that :])

Hillary and Anistasia are two more amazing friends from ballet. Anistasia is my age, and I've known her at least as long as I've known Katie, Emily and Bridgitt, if you read that one, and we've been friends for just as long. Last year we were the oldest two in our intermediate class, so most of our friends were advanced (and boy was that a slap in the face), and not to brag but we were the best in our class, so we were always thrown together. Hillary and I couldn't stand each other for years, because she's two years older than me and I was always in her classes and stuff, but we became friends in seventh grade or so :]. This spring, when we were rehersing for Sleeping Beauty, the three of us plus another girl were the "third group" of twelve girls with the same roles as us. Basically that means we weren't the best dancers (if anything we were the worst of our level), and of course, nothing brings people together like being the worst :]. Last winter's Nutcracker was a lot like this, too, and at the Civic it was always the three of us taking class and hanging out. They were the first people I told when I realized I needed to quit and also the quickest to support me, because they understood what it was like being one of the not-the-best dancers who wasn't going anywhere. There was the God aspect of it too, but I never really told anyone that; I think they understood that there was more to it than being sick of Mrs. Meneer and everything. Either way, Anistasia's Catholic and Hillary's Episcopalian, which I don't know much about, and faith was just never something we talked about.

I'm not even sure if they're saved or not, and I haven't seen them since June (but let me tell you the internet is an amazing thing), but Hillary and Anistasia have taught me that people are generally good at heart- like, not before God because we're all sinners and everything, but most people want to be nice and help people out. I think as humans, we're not just created in God's physical image, but our hearts are a little like His as well. We're not perfect, of course, but people in general are not as bad as I think we can make them out to be. Most people care and are willing to listen, and most people respect faith, even if it's different from theirs. God has used these two girls to remind me that whoever they are and whatever they believe, every person is still His creation, and that He's a pretty nice guy :]

#4 - poetry

I haven't been feeling particularly thankful today (because ugggg my iPod got stolen out of my locker at school yesterday) but I'm posting anyway. Be pumped :]

I think most of you guys know that I write a lot of poetry, and if you didn't, now you do, hmm? To me, it's thee most amazing form of expression there is. When I don't understand something, I start writing about it to organize my thoughts. When I have one of those prayer blocks in my head, I read psalms. I can say more with twenty lines than I could say if I talked for an hour, and a lot of times I get even more out of alliteration and metaphor than I would out of great advice (not that anyone's advice sucks, just exampling :]). It got me out of my terrible mood this afternoon, I read some, I wrote some, it didn't really matter, but it worked. Music has so many connotations- certain songs or bands for certain people, events, emotions- and I'm the only person I know who's cool enough to have anything to do with free verses. I think I can be more honest in poems than I can be in anything I say, even in prayer; a lot of time poems become unconcious prayers. I'd like to think it's a gift, more than likely it's just a habit, but it's helped me out many a time :]

Sorry that wasn't very exciting, but it's all I could come up with right now. I'm still a little angry with the world...

#3 - concerts

I know concerts seem like a trivial thing, but they mean a lot to me. I don't know if you guys know this, but I was saved at a Third Day concert at the Alive Festival in 2005. And I don't know if you've ever been to a big Christian rock concert, but if you have, you know that you can just feel worship and love flying around the place, and then for a few seconds the music stops and everything is silent, and the band reads a Scripture or says a prayer, and it's the most amazing feeling ever. During a Third Day show this past summer (pictured at the top as well :]), the entire crowd was asked to join hands with the people beside them and start dancing. It was just this huge crowd of interconnected people praising God, and I was thinking about that, and that's exactly what life is, too. I don't know if I've ever understood being part of the Body of Christ more than I did then. And it's not just Third Day shows that are amazing but those were the two that I thought of today. In the end, concerts have taught me that God speaks in so many ways: He doesn't just use silence, but noise to the point that your ears ring for days afterward, and not just stillness but the motion of a thousand people that doesn't stop. God cannot be confined to a hymn book (nothing against hymns, but personally, if the only Christian music I'd ever heard were these traditional organ songs, I would DEFINITLEY not be the person I am now) or inside one person. He's too big, too incredible, and far too creative for that :]

#2 - Tyleasha / Kristen / Elizabeth

Now you guys know these three, so you have to read this one, mmmkay? If you don't know what this is about, I suggest reading the top part of #1. Thanks crowd :]

So there's not really a need for me to explain my history with these kids because you guys have been there all along at youth group and camp and etc. I met Kristen and Ty at Banished 2005, and I really don't remember when I met Elizabeth but hey :]. Basically I'm thankful for these girls because they've been examples since the day I met them. They're my age (well Tyleasha is five days older hah) and have to deal with basically the same things I do. Even though we're not that close of friends- yet :]- I have no doubt I could take anything to them and they would help me out or at least pray for me. Actually I'm sure they'd pray for me no matter what and it's the greatest feeling in the world to know that someone cares about you enough to ask the God of the universe to care for you :]

Tyleasha is the only person I know who almost always laughs at every one of my dumb jokes and makes better ones (well, sometimes they're even worse :]) right back. I guess you could say we have the same incredible sense of humor. Plus she's pretty much one of thee strongest Christians I've ever known, aaaand she plays golf :]. I'm most definetly looking forward to getting to know this girl better.

Elizabeth is one of the funnnnniest people imaginable. We'd only talked a few times before Patmos this summer but that was no problem at all of course, because she's also extremely nice / outgoing. I guess we still don't know each other all that well but I still love this girl :].

.

Kristen has a heart of gold. She's sososo nice and she just straight-up accepted me from the minute we met last year :]. I can trust her to pray or try and talk to someone or whatever and she never fails. She has like this amazing balance of outgoing-funness and serious-godliness that I really admire. Plus she BOOed me at Burton so that makes her pretty cool.

#1 - Bridgitt / Emily / Katie

So sometime in the past few days, I don't remember when, someone was telling me about how Kristen Adams posted about one person she's thankful for every day for a while (sorry if that's not quite right, it's all I remember :] ), and I thought that's a really cool idea. So I think I'll try something like that myself. Every day from now until Thanksgiving, I'm going to try and post one person, group of people, or thing that I've been blessed with. Hopefully it'll result in me being more optimistic and aware of God, and you might just get filled in on something I always talk about and never take time to explain. You might even be featured :]... problem being I only have room for 23 !!!!



So I'm starting off today with (from left in the picture) Bridgitt Elizabeth, Emily Ann, and Kathryn Rae (and me :]), probably the three most amazing people I know. I've known them since I think thrid grade when we all ended up in the same ballet class. In fifth grade, Emily, Katie and I were all thrown into a more advanced class, and being the youngest ones we stuck together. Bridgitt came up into that class in sixth grade, and for a year or so none of us could stand her because, in all honesty, she was the biggest teacher's pet you can imagine :]. She grew out of it, or maybe we did, either way the four of us became a tight-knit group by the next year. Of course, at the end of that year (seventh grade), Emily had to choose between going to CVCA the next year or continuing ballet, and she chose CVCA. I saw her maybe four times through all of eighth grade :[. Then I left ballet at the end of that year, and since then, the four of us have all been together exactly twice, once in August and once last night- we dressed up as characters from Mary Poppins and passed out Halloween candy. And that's how we know we're really cool :]

Our circumstances aren't the greatest for hanging out, but these girls have taught me what true friendship really is. We've never actually had a spiritual conversation, but there's that connection when we're all together... the worn-out Bible next to Bridgitt's bed, the cross with Proverbs 3:5 hanging beside it that greets you at Emily's house, the drawings Katie and her siblings did of the fruits of the Spirit on their fridge. I can tell them anything, because they don't know the people my situations involve, and trust them to give me fair, godly advice. Friendship is when you can come back together after months of being at different schools with different friends and laugh and talk like nothing's changed, because it really hasn't. It's when you find out that you really don't have any friends or anything in common to discuss and you can still talk all night. We're all still ourselves and we're still held together by the love for dancing that brought us together in the first place. So, I guess God has used them to teach me that some things never change :]