For you I rise, for you I fall

I am fairly agile
I can bend and not break
Or I can break and take it with a smile
And I am so resilient
I recover quickly
I'll convince you soon that I am fine...

I don't even know what's happened to me... but I literally cannot write anymore. I sat down last night because I had this melody in my head and I was trying to come up with words and nothing came out. Literally nothing. And what I could think of was pretty much awful. Maybe I've improved so much on journalism that my artistry has gone completley down the drain. I don't know. But I'm terrified. I honestly wonder if, because I just shoved this gift [well, I consider it a gift] off to the side to focus on other things, God just took it away. Would He do that? I don't see why not. I'm learning over and over that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, and He's taken everything from a purse to an heirloom to a talent... but my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name.

Another thing on my mind: have you ever felt like you just can't ask someone to pray for you, even when you know you need to? Did you ever think there's some kind of happy-go-lucky apperance you have to keep up and it would be letting others down to show them weakness? I know about humbling yourself and admitting that you need help, but I don't feel like pride is keeping me back here... I feel like... oh, heck, maybe it is pride. I don't know. I don't really have any idea. And hopefully you'll understand that I could really use some prayer right now because I'm to concerned with my apperance to ask for it?

Try to understand there's an old mistake
that fools will make
and I'm the queen of them
pushing everything that's good away...