in this false life something needs to give...

--10:30 p.m. edit--

with my two lips I will praise your name
then I turn around and only curse in pain
I give in, strength is thin, adding to my shame
tell me a reason why this isn't treason
tell me, tell me I'm wrong
I swear I'm back but it turns out it's only a season
tell me, tell me I'm wrong

today has been one of those unexplainably angry days. things just seem to be getting worse. the quince was amazing for the most part though, don't worry guys :]. but I fought with Dad AGAIN. that's the third time this week not even including Mom. what is wrong with me?? I know how much I need to love my parents becuase they need Christ (and badly) but suddenly everything they say just flips this "bad mood" switch inside me. plus I probably can't go to Switchfoot in November and that basically ruined everything I've been looking forward to. Brittany it's not your fault and I know that but I'm not very happy just because I was looking forward to it so incredibly much. I really miss ballet right now... dancing at the party tonight felt so absolutely incredibly blissful. I'd forgotten why I loved it so much, not even just ballet but anything. it's such an incredible release. and oooh man I just used "incredible" three times in the last three sentences. --end edit--

and nothing else is really happening right now except I'm losing touch every day with six people who need Christ more than anything. And for the first time in months a few of them have decided that respecting a person's beilefs doesn't really matter.

Pleasepleaseplease pray for Jordan, Allie, Lauren, Hillary, Anistasia, and Justin. And even more so, pray for Kevin, my brother. I've invited him to youth group every week that I've come since summer started and he's just not into it. I'm pretty sure he's not saved, and ditto with my parents, and that's another story altogether that I'd rather not think about right now. But I keep remembering what Clint said last Wednsday-- salvation is a limited-time offer. And even at the missionary dinner someone said that "a time will come when there will be no more missionaries, and everyone who is unreached will stay unreached." As we'd say in english class, "unreached" ends in a very final, very sudden "d" sound, and "unreached will stay unreached" takes a lot of effort to say... in the composition of this, the author was trying to convey the finality of the rapture and the effort it will take to a) accept that some souls will stay unreached, and b) prevent that. Interpret, analyze, repeat. hehe that was cool :]

btw, happy quince day to Elizabeth! much love and de-light!