life begins at the intersection

The Intersection

2007-05-09T14:08:00.000-07:00

what direction, what direction?
death? or action?
life begins at the intersection-
what direction, what direction now?
-Faust, Midas, and Myself-- Switchfoot

Where does life begin, then? What is the intersection? Is it death, or action, or a new direction?

Intersections are typically the places where two or three streets cross each other; some cars turn, some stay their course, and some have to wait their turn to move on. There are rules that one must follow, and breaking them can have serious consequences.

In geometry, intersecting lines are lines that cross over each other, sharing exactly one point, then continuing on infinitely, never touching again. The intersection, in this case, is that exactly one point.

The other thing I think of instantly is that stupid commercial that’s always on during the positive rock show for “crosswalk.com, the intersection of faith and life.” In this instance, the intersection is the place where two things meet, and in the case of faith and life, hopefully continue along beside each other for a time.

Occasionally, then, as it is in geometry, two lives touch at exactly one point and move on, never meeting again. There are some people who you meet once, or who write a book or sing a song that touches you at exactly one poignant point when you need it most. Perhaps you meet them, or hear the song, or read the book, again, but you are never changed in quite the way you were at that moment. At that point, a new thread is formed, another tiny piece of a life that is still barely beginning.

At other times, you find your path crossing that of another. Sometimes you have no choice but to wait and allow them to pass you by, or you must turn down a way separate from the van beside you, or the car behind you, or you can only stay the course despite whatever others are choosing to do. Each of these decisions at each of these intersections create another sliver of life; every bend in the road is a new, however insignificant, beginning.

However, these same intersections are also where collisions are most frequent. Whatever the cause, crashes can be simple disagreements that result in ameliorating some issue. On the other hand, sometimes all parties emerge bent and broken. These painful experiences can be used to start over in a relationship, or an endeavor, or anything, or they can drag everyone involved down inside their own anger to forget that you had a life at all.

Many of life’s intersections are one-time occurrences, like car crashes and crossing lines, with a lasting impact. But some things, like faith and life, find themselves crossing each other’s courses again and again, and these are the intersections that renew life with every sunrise. Sometimes two travel parallel paths, sometimes are separated by infinite points, and occasionally intertwining again for only moments before moving on, then crossing, then pressing onward again. The journey cannot halt for old friends to catch up.

At the beginning of time, a snake slithered across a woman’s path, and the two were destined to correspond for ages to come. Politicians disputed, swords resisted, and somewhere in the midst of sheer imperfection, two wooden beams met to become the greatest intersection of all: faultlessness meeting wholly with shortcoming, so that life might begin at that place.

And today, automobiles wait impatiently at red lights, and humans shake hands at introductions and business meetings, and paths weave in and out of others as new things begin. Nothing can truly pass away, end, unless it is contained in a completely separate plane—and even there, it extends into eternity, where the hammers pounding darkness into the divine still echo a message of new life.

Life begins at the intersection.

Gunman

2007-04-22T11:55:00.000-07:00

Last week I had the strangest dream:
Everything was exactly how it seemed
And there was never any mysterey
Of who shot John F. Kennedy
It was just a man with something to prove
Slightly bored and severely confused
He steadied his rifle with his target in the center
And became famous on that day in November
-Sleeping In; The Postal Service

Monday, April sixteenth, was a perfectly ordinary day for me: a bio test, a new friend, etc. But it’s already going down in history as the worst school shooting to date. Thirty Virginia Tech students and one teacher were killed before the gunman took his own life. I can’t even imagine how scared everyone there has to be. It’s scary at my own high school. Everyone walks a little faster and talks a little more quietly when they pass someone they don’t know well—do they think we’re next?

What really hits home is the story of the boy who set the whole tragedy in motion. He was a 23-year-old immigrant from Korea, and even though he’d lived in the USA for over fifteen years, it sounded like he’d never really had any friends. Eventually he stopped talking to anyone, even returning a hello; eventually he stopped talking altogether. He signed his name with a question mark. He wrote dark, gory stories for his English class. Then his girlfriend dumped him, and he let it all out that day.

Didn’t anyone notice him? Didn’t anyone even think about reaching out to him? Or were they too caught up in their own lives to notice how much this guy was hurting?
The past few days have been stuffed with all sorts of comments about him: “how could he do that?” “Couldn’t he have just killed himself and let those people live?” “What made him kill so many others?” And the worst, “He was really messed up. He deserved to die.”

What kind of sick society takes one look at a person and calls them “messed up;” condemning them to death? This guy was no different than anyone else. He had been through some tough stuff, but he had a heart, a soul, emotions. And we always hear how you have to let your emotions out—well, here’s someone who literally couldn’t. He had no one to share anything with and no one to support him. That’s what was behind all those creepy stories. He wasn’t some twisted freak, just a human with a lot of anger and only one narrow outlet.

How could anyone possibly be so angry that they would take the lives of thirty innocent people who had barely begun living? I can’t imagine that. Then again, I’ve been loved. And he hadn’t.

And now it’s too late for him.

Sure, he probably would’ve been killed for what he did, had he spared his own life. An sure, had he only killed himself, there would be so much less sorrow and fear right now. But the media doesn’t report everyday suicides.

This is a wake-up call to everyone in the world. We all know how precious and how short life is. But I think what most people have still to realize is that we have the power to protect that life. We can make sure our school isn’t next.

We can make sure everyone is loved.

There are so many people who are hurting right now—maybe not to the extent that he was, but his hurt had to start somewhere. There are plenty of people who really don’t have any friends, and probably several who don’t have anyone at all. These are the people who, given just the wrong turn of events, are going to turn out like that poor guy. They’re going to keep getting lonelier and angrier, and they’re going to look for a scapegoat.

The VA Tech killer left behind an eight-page letter about how so many people had forced him to do what he did: the “rich kids,” his girlfriend, his family… all the people who never bothered to notice him. He made them notice. He made sure his message was crystal clear. And then he made sure he would never have to face loneliness again—or he would face it for eternity.

I’m not saying what he did was justifiable, or even understandable. It’s true that he probably needed medical help. It’s just that, had any of us been through everything he had without our families and friends and gods, our reactions probably wouldn’t have been so different. No one’s would have.

In the end, everyone needs to be loved. Everyone deserves to be loved. Every person we pass on the street every day is an individual creation, and even if they mean nothing to anyone in this world, they mean everything to their Creator. No matter how little impact it may have in this wide world, it’s our duty to be friends to everyone, whether we like them or not, even if we cross their path once and never meet again. Because maybe one day it’ll come down to a moment when they’ll have to choose between taking what they have and taking what could never be theirs. Maybe you stand up for the Geoffery Georges of this world just once, and maybe they’ll be sitting down to write a note of their own, and they’ll remember that someone, somewhere, cares for them.

It may not stop them. There’s no way to prevent this from happening again until the whole world learns to care. And even if another disaster is inevitable, we have to try. Because no family deserves that pain. No student deserves that fear. No young life deserves that ending. And no gunman deserves to turn his weapon on himself—no one should have to end their life in order to make it worth something.

just out of curiosity...

2007-03-09T19:00:00.000-08:00

does anyone actually use these anymore?

it's now.

2007-02-27T12:43:00.000-08:00

Or maybe I'm only human. Has that become a crime?

if you swear that there's no truth, and who cares,
how come you say it like you're right?
are you scared to dream of God?
is it salvation that you want?
and the stars so clear have been dead for years
but the idea just lives on
and our wheels, they roll around
as we move over the ground
and all day it seems we've been in between
a past and future town

sweethearts dance :]

2007-02-18T09:49:00.000-08:00

my hair looked fantastic.

the dinner crowd [me, Allie, Kyle, and Katie]

we're pretty cool.

freaks. :]

So last night was the THS sweethearts dance and it was an incredibly fabulous time. Allie and Katie [two of my favorite kids alive] came over early and we got ready together; Kyle came over at six because he was Katie's date [they're just friends] and Mom and Dad put on aprons and served us a full-blow four-course gourmet dinner. Not even kidding, it was probably the best food I've had in a year. Then we got to the school and threw our shoes in a locker and danced the night away. I taught three people the electric slide. And the deejay got really cool and gave us a quick seventies medely with some Earth, Wind, and Fire, Michael Jackson, AC/DC, and Footloose. Kelsey and I requested some Bruce Springsteen and they didn't play it, but I must admit what they did play was pretty incredible. So no complaints, no regrets, and happy Valentine's day!

just another survey or two :]

2007-02-14T09:18:00.000-08:00

50 Questions...
1. So, what did you do all day?: absolutely nothing.
2. What is the most expensive thing you've bought recently?: ahh... my Valentine's dress?
3. Last concert (or show) you attended: WINTERJAM!
4. Coolest thing you've gotten in the mail lately: no idea.
5. Describe your favorite article of clothing: black. sweatpants. "fore" imprinted on the butt.
6. Last video game played: oh crap. no idea.
7. How many CDs do you have by any ONE artist or group?: six by Switchfoot... no, actually seven, because I have two copies of Learning to Breathe.
8. What's for dinner?: good question.
9. Do you have any collections?: I still have my sticker collection from when I was about seven, and I always take pictures at every place I go. I collect memories :]
10. What was the last board game you played?: Life with Kev and Dad.
11. Who won?: Dad.
12. Do you subscribe to any magazines?: not currently.
13. Last movie you saw at a theater: the Pursuit of Happyness
14. Last movie you watched at home: Legally Blonde 2 :]
15. Do you have any special traditions only you or your family does?: not particularly.
16. What was the last thing you created?: a strum pattern for "Nothing Left to Lose" by Mat Kearny because I can't figure out the real one.
17. Are you reading any books right now?: well Colossians...
18. Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?: yeahh the American Girl series :]
19. What do you do when you can't fall asleep?: pray, read, go to the bathroom...
20. Have you ever randomly bumped into a actor/actress/or other generally famous person on the street?: no, with the exception of Chris at winterjam... "we're lost."
21. Are you more likely to read a book you've never read before if it's been made into a movie?: yes.
22. Have you discovered what podcasts are yet? Do you have a favorite?: yes haha... favorite would have to be the Hawk Nelson video podcast... "we got no FOOD! we got no JOBS! our pets' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!"
23.What is your favorite kind of food that you only get to have once a year: Thanksgiving apple yam casserole. mmmm.
24. What's that noise?: my Rice Krispies! They're speaking to me!
25. Last dvd you bought?: the Mary Poppins 40th anniversary edition. not kidding.
26. Are there any musical artists that you used to like but don't anymore because their style of music changed too much?: yes. the Black Eyed Peas used to be the best thing in the world, and suddenly they're singing "my humps" and "fergalicious."
27. Are there any covers you think are better than the original? the Moulin Rouge cover of Elton John's "Your Song" was really, really good.
28. What food(s) do you go to the store for ASAP when you run out?: coffee.
29. Isn't there another appropriate response for "I love you" besides "I love you, too."?: well, you can say "me too," but in that case you're saying "I love me, too."
30. Last new artist that you listened to and really liked: FM static.
31. Last new one you hated: ah... I don't know.
32. In what country do you wish you'd been born?: France.
33. When was the last time you were scared shirtless?: I keep my shirts on, thanks :]
34. Do you like it when old ladies refer to you as "Dear", or "Hon", or "Sugar"?: yeah it cracks me up.
35. What is your favorite physical flaw: lisps. the cutest thing in the world.
36. Share a random fact about yourself: I... really like ginger tea.
37. What's the best field trip you ever went on?: Chicago in seventh grade. ahh. amazing.
38. Have you ever dressed up for Halloween at work?: for school, yes.
39. Do you have any clothes that you pilfered or inherited from your parents?: a few. I think I have one of my dad's old sweatshirts that I wear to sleep sometimes, and a pair of my mom's old slippers.
40. How old is "old" to you?: depends on what we're talking about. for someone to be, like, an "old person," I'd say at least 65, but for someone to be "too old" to date or something, I'd say eighteen.
41. What was the last free thing you've gotten?: no idea.
42. What's your favorite black and white movie?: Arsenic and Old Lace.
43. What color would you like to bleed?: ...what kind of question is this?
44. Do you own any Furbies?: yes. three.
45. If you have a wall calender, what kind is it?: it's from my great-uncle's mold company... and no, not that kind of mold, you nasties.
46. Have you ever been to a convention?: I went to a "leadership convention" in eighth grade.
47. If you were to dress up as a musician, which one would you be?: Bob Marley. it's all about the dreds.
48. Do you have a thing about ruining new stuff by personalizing?: not particularly.
49. Ever have those moments when you realize that you somehow just cheated death?: once or twice.
50. Does it boggle your mind?: yes.

40 more questions...
1. Would you marry for money? no!
2. Have you had braces? yes.
3. Could you live without a computer? probably.
4. If you could live in any past time period, where would it be? This is probably the coolest question I've answered today. And I would probably like the fifties.
5. Do you drink enough water? probably not.
6. Do you wear shoes in the house or take 'em off? Take 'em off.
7. What are your favorite fruits? apples and grapes.
8. What is your favorite place to visit? my California relatives. not only are they the most fun people alive, they live in Orange County :]
9. Are you photogenic? sometimes. not in school pictures though.
10. Do you dream in color or black and white? color, usually.
11. Why do you take surveys? because I'm a) sick and b) bored. and I guess they're kind of fun.
12. Do you drink alcohol? except the wine at church, no :]
13. What is the most beautiful language? Francais.
14. Do you like being kissed when you are asleep? how should I know if I'm asleep?
15. WHAT do you like MOST: Sunrise or sunset? sunrise.
16. Do you want to live until you're 100 yrs old? yes. because if I want to, I just need to listen to the John Tesh radio show.
17. Is a flat stomach important to you? not particularly.
19. When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights switched on or off? off.
20. Do you believe in magic? no. although I'm probably one of the biggest Harry Potter fans you know.
22. Do you like to watch cartoons? not really.
23. At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real? I think I was eight.
24. Do you write poems? yes. frequently.
25. Do you snore? sometimes.
26. You sleep more on your back, front, or sides? sides.
27. Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? poodle.
28. Are you basically a happy person? of course!!
29. Are you tired? a little.
30. Did you drink anything with caffeine? right now I'm drinking tea.
32. How many landline/cellphones do you have in your house? two land lines, two cell phones- Mom and Dad's aren't in the house right now :]
33. Do you get along with your parents? usually.
34. Do you smoke? no!!!
35. Do you have a kitty? haha yeah
36. Have you ever had a birthday party? of course.
37. What do you do when you're sad? pray, play guitar, sleep
38. What do you need most now? nothing in particular.
39. What song are you listening to now? "Everything," by Pillar
40. What are you craving right now? my english muffin that just popped out of the toaster :]

snow day!!

2007-02-05T07:12:00.000-08:00

That's right, folks! It's the first real snow day in four years for Tallmadge City Schools- we had one two years ago because the power was out so that doesn't count.

And this year, snow days mean two things: one great mood and a lot of pictures.

it's never been this cold before, now it's getting to me
amd I'm thinking about you
all the things that you've taught me in this life
that I'll remember 'till I die
so this is what we live for, this is what we live for
and now we're taking back what's ours
this is what we'll die for, hope is what we'll die for

-The Wedding, Wake The Regiment

blah.

2007-01-31T12:57:00.000-08:00

yeah, so this life thing? turns out I'm not all that good at it.

photos.

zip... zip... BONG !!!

2007-01-21T17:31:00.000-08:00

ahhh so Camp Chris was amazing!!! Way more fun than it should've been allowed to be considering the whole Ellen situation, which went pretty well despite a little discussion that turned into her half-yelling into Brittany and I about how she wasn't trying to change our beliefs, just "Catholicize" us or some bunch of crap like that. So I spent an hour Friday night feeling worse than I've felt in a looooong time, but I found out that people like Ellen are actually few and far between.

I seriously met the best people ever in Julia, Gabby, Emily, Jon, Aaron, and Kristina, and the rest of the OLV team reminded me why I love them in the first place by being the funniest people I know and understanding Brittany and me after Ellen came so close to ruining the weekend. And I got to know three seventh-graders throughout Saturday (Ali, Arinn, and Alyssa), shared a little of the gospel with them, and have already been back in touch with them.

So all in all, meeting every Tuesday and dealing with the letter situation and everything were more than worth it. I remember feeling like I was going to war on the drive there, and I guess I kind of was, but I'm so glad I didn't just refuse to go. God brought one of the best weekends in a long time out of my first big battle with persecution- and honestly, if suffering brings so much laughter, so many new friends, and so many open doors, bring it on :].

And I can't just stay the course
Keep my hands on the wheel
All our detractors were right
My head's like a kite
And all my thoughts run astray...

now everything heasitates...

2007-01-19T12:21:00.000-08:00

The long-awaited OLV retreat starts in about four hours. I'll post as soon as we get back, but I'm not promising good news...

please pray?

whatever happens, much love :]

and you got a letter

2007-01-16T09:34:00.000-08:00

and you got a letter

and you got a letter

and you got-

GET ON WITH IT!

after all of the sparks...

2007-01-14T14:50:00.000-08:00

you're still alone in the dark
and I've been thinking, over thinking...

After all those times I've done my best to share the truth that is Christ and all those nights I've prayed... three of my closest friends are still ultimately alone in the dark. And I don't know how to change it. It's been over a year since I first witnessed to them and a few months since the last time, a few days for one of them. I've been praying for close to two years. Is this not God's timing, or am I failing Him? Or is this just a lesson in paitence? I don't know how to tell.

And how many other friends have I made this year and not even thought about reaching out to? A Wiccian. A strong athiest. A half-agnostic half-reincarnationist-evolutionist. Various probably Christians but I don't know. Various strong agnostics. My own family. My own Sunday school class. Upperclassmen. Middle schoolers. Even strong Christians who seem blind to some solution and I don't know how to fill them in without sounding proud and controlling.

I can see the problems... but the solutions feel miles away.

Someone told me once that the longest twelve inches are those from your head to your heart.

I one hundred percent agree.

photo (c) rcm 1/5/06

BRITTANY RHODES this is for you :]

2007-01-02T18:40:00.000-08:00

Tim being amazing

my personal favorite [YOUR MOM haha] and Jon... just Jon. and Drew rocking some sunglasses that I'm pretty sure he stole from me.

awww brotherly love :]

Tim CHOWING.

well that's all the blogger will let me upload today... but wait just a second... there's room for one more...

ooooh June 23rd better come quick :]

is this the new year or just another night?

2006-12-31T11:34:00.000-08:00

don't wait, don't wait
the streets are now a sudden sea
and suddenly you're in too deep
to lay your armor down
don't wait, don't wait
the lights will flash and fade away
the days will pass you by
don't wait to lay your armor down

I only have one really big New Year's resolution: don't wait. I've decided I'm tired of being shy and hesitant and afraid to witness and laugh and be the person God made me to be... so in oh-seven, that's what I'm going to try not to do. I think it's possible, and with God involved, I can take hold of every amazing thing He's got planned for me. I learned in '06 that it's true what Superchic[k] says about God bringing beauty from pain... and this year I'm going to trust that that's true and just go. Because all I have is what God gives, and that's all the life that I was meant to live :]

happy 2007!

Head Over Heels [In This Life]- Switchfoot

2006-12-29T08:00:00.000-08:00

Head over here and take me

Head over heels and aching

When I told you I was yours

I was yours

In this life, you're the one place I call home

In this life, you're the feeling I belong

In this life, you're the flower and the thorn

You're everything that's fair in love and war

I'm coming down like a gunshot

In all these battles I've fought

You're the mark I'm aiming for

I was yours

Head over heels

In this life I'm stubborn to the core

In this life I've been burning after more

We both know what these open arms are for

You're everything that's fair

In this life, you're my only one

Think about it... I know I have been. Okay, I've had the CD for a day, but still :]. Who is my "only one?" Who really gives me the feeling of belonging? God? Friends? Family? I know what the answer should be, but on the surface it looks okay if I were to pick friends or family... "the feeling I belong?" why not? But are they the "mark I'm aiming for?" That doesn't really make any sense. So that only leaves one answer... am I willing to let God become my only one, and can I kill my pride for long enough to fall in love with Him? And what does it mean to be "in love" with God? Will it come down to defending what I know is true to maybe save one person even when it'll potentially cost the salvation of ten innocent kids?

In this life, I'm stubborn to the core...

Come and behold Him

2006-12-24T10:32:00.000-08:00

born the King of angels
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord!

Merry Christmas!

countdowns !!

2006-12-20T07:52:00.000-08:00

Ten random things about me:
10) Current jam = Superchic[k]
9) I love helping people with math and grammar and stuff, and not to brag but I'm really good at it :]
8) I love reading
7) Journalism is currently what I want to do with my life
6) I took the picture on my desktop
5) Freddie Mercury or Shakespeare is probably the most amazing person who ever lived
4) I'm still on chapter one of my break reading
3) I play guitar and piano and started writing a song yesterday
2) Helping other kids with their faith is probably the most important thing I'll ever do
1) I believe in true love and love at first sight

Nine ways to win my heart:
9) Make me laugh :]
8) Be a strong Christian
7) Be a musician
6) Carry on an intelligent conversation
5) Be good-looking... hey, I'm human :]
4) Do something childish once in a while
3) Respect my family and like my friends
2) Be open about faith
1) Make me laugh some more :]

Eight things I want to do before I die:
8) Go to Paris
7) Lead someone to faith
6) Ride the x-flight :]
5) Get married
4) Go to Ireland
3) Meet Chuck Norris [just to say I did]
2) Learn to play and write music just for the sake of it
1) Publish

Seven things that annoy me:
7) Fake people
6) Guys [and girls] who just want sex
5) Drama without a cause
4) The divisions between "Christian music" and "secular music" when it's all good music
3) Answering machines
2) Stories without a point
1) That one Amy Grant song... "I dream of simple things" AAAH

Six things I believe in:
6) A thing called love :]
5) The general goodness of music
4) Friends forever
3) Living in the present moment
2) God
1) Forgiving and forgetting

Five things I'm afraid of:
5) Spiders
4) Embarrassment
3) Never being forgiven
2) Losing
1) Failing

Four of my favorite things:
4) Acoustic guitar
3) Hot chocolate [with vanilla and cinnamon, of course]
2) Switchfoot
1) Youth group

Three things I do everyday:
3) Sing
2) Shower
1) Pray

Two things I want to do right now:
2) Dance
1) Get something to drink

One person I want to see right now:
1) No one in particular :]

in this life

2006-12-17T07:22:00.000-08:00

You're the one place I call home.

at the moment, I love:

01. being on break! I slept until almost ten today after staying up 'till three on Friday and making the best cookies ever on Saturday. No responsibilities, no reason to do anything but hang out... aaaaah.

02. musiccc. I may have lost my ability to write free verse but I'm catching up to lyrics. and gueetar. and spending a few hours just messing around is very, very nice.

03. life. not being perfect. dancing. singing. Switchfoot. Christmas. cookies. friends. Harry Potter. writing a story. running out of energy. I pretty much love life even with all its ups and downs and spin-arounds and I love living it with every ounce of anything I've got left and just living to laugh. because life is the best kind of life :]

In this life you’re the one place I call home
In this life you’re the feeling I belong
In this life you’re the flower and the thorn
You’re everything that’s fair in love and war...

Switchfoot- Oh! Gravity- eight days! ♥

opprotunity :]

2006-12-12T12:19:00.000-08:00

Opprotunities seem to be popping up all over now that other things have settled down and I'm so excited !!! God is actually going to use me. That's the coolest thing in the world.

01. There was a guy named Justin on the prayer list for a while, I think... [if not, Justin is one of my close friends who believes in reincarnation, evolution, the Big Bang, among all sorts of other things] well, Justin asked me the other day what it means to be "born again." He wants to come to youth group sometime, and until then, Dan and I are going to be witnessing our faces off. Keep praying for him.

02. You've probably heard from Brittany or Dan, but the three of us along with four other kids are helping lead this HUGE Catholic retreat in January. It's like six churches, probably over a hundred kids. I don't know how much we'll get to share with the kids because it's only one night and we're not in their cabins or anything, but Kyle will be one of the counselers [he's been on the prayer list too] and so will these two other hardcore Catholic kids, Rachel [who I LOVE] and Brian [who I love more, if possible]. So some cool stuff might be going on here too.

03. I'm thinking of going back to OLV youth group once a month or so after the new year. I love Brown Street and I've learned a lot from going every week, but I feel like I'm not serving like I should be. I feel so incredibly called to the Catholic Church that NOT helping feels like a sin. Plus I've really missed the kids there :]

04. Yet another Catholic chance... I might get to help out in Sunday school next school year. I'll be old enough, and my mom already teaches so they know who I am. I always HATED Sunday school, and Emily told me about this one lady she knows who teaches the gospel in the same kind of situation, so I really want to see something awesome take place here. This is still a very big maybe though.

I catalog these steps now
Decisive and intentioned
Precise and patterned specifically to yours
I'm talented at breathing
Especially exhaling
So that my chest will rise and fall with yours
Won't you hold me now?
I will not bend, I will not break

For you I rise, for you I fall

2006-12-05T12:19:00.000-08:00

I am fairly agile
I can bend and not break
Or I can break and take it with a smile
And I am so resilient
I recover quickly
I'll convince you soon that I am fine...

I don't even know what's happened to me... but I literally cannot write anymore. I sat down last night because I had this melody in my head and I was trying to come up with words and nothing came out. Literally nothing. And what I could think of was pretty much awful. Maybe I've improved so much on journalism that my artistry has gone completley down the drain. I don't know. But I'm terrified. I honestly wonder if, because I just shoved this gift [well, I consider it a gift] off to the side to focus on other things, God just took it away. Would He do that? I don't see why not. I'm learning over and over that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, and He's taken everything from a purse to an heirloom to a talent... but my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name.

Another thing on my mind: have you ever felt like you just can't ask someone to pray for you, even when you know you need to? Did you ever think there's some kind of happy-go-lucky apperance you have to keep up and it would be letting others down to show them weakness? I know about humbling yourself and admitting that you need help, but I don't feel like pride is keeping me back here... I feel like... oh, heck, maybe it is pride. I don't know. I don't really have any idea. And hopefully you'll understand that I could really use some prayer right now because I'm to concerned with my apperance to ask for it?

Try to understand there's an old mistake
that fools will make
and I'm the queen of them
pushing everything that's good away...

#12 - Emily K

2006-11-29T13:02:00.000-08:00

I'm having a pretty introverted week and I kind of thought it was time to come back to being thankful, so here we go again...

I spent a few minutes during third block today explaining iambic pentameter to Emily, specifically unstressed-stressed syllables. She was having a tough time understanding it, I could tell, but she was really, really trying, and finally you could just see how it clicked. I was like, woah, as insignificant as this little Shakspearian detail is, she's working her butt off for it. That's just who Emily is. She's the hardest worker I've ever seen, and not just at schoolwork although I think that worries her more than anything. From listening to her talk about swimming, or seeing how sad she was that she couldn't type up the prayer request, or even watching how she always stops herself before saying anything negative about anything but a movie or a paper or something, I'm repeatedly reminded of this girl's innncredibly admirable work ethic.

Throughout the second half of my seventh-grade year, Emily sent me emails, asked me questions, wrote me notes, or had me look up verses at least once a week. She knew I wasn't saved and she was willing to work to get me there. After I spent a summer learning about Jesus and getting to know him [looking back on that whole summer, it seems like one long retreat, honestly], I was throwing questions about Catholicsism vs. Christianity at her all the time and she was back to work. I didn't always get the answers I was looking for, but she always did everything she could. Even this year, when I haven't found anything to seriously question yet, she's always popping up to ask me how I'm doing on this fine day [though she [thankfully] words it differently].

I don't know if she ever stops working, whether it's working to keep friendships strong, get to know God, ace an essay, beat her best swim time, anything. But I wish I could do it. I get home and crash because I just can't make myself do homework right away. I skip devotions if it's past eleven and I'm pooooooped from the day. And plenty of people would say that's reasonable, but I can't imagine how different I would be if Emily would share some of her big talent with me :]. Heck, I can't imagine how different I would be if Dan hadn't been playing with her one day at the pool before kindergarden and we'd never met. Jesus is ultimately responsible for the relationship I have with Him right now, but if I had to make a list, "Lil' Kozy" would most definitely be in second.

[not a number]

2006-11-24T06:23:00.000-08:00

So I realize Thanksgiving came and went and I haven't posted in wayyy too long... so I think I'm stretching out my thankfulness until Christmas :]. By the way, HAPPY [slightly belated] THANKSGIVING TO YA! I hope everyone's turkey was as good as ours hehe

#11 - Kassie

2006-11-15T13:02:00.000-08:00

So now that I'm, oh, four days behind, we come to a troubling subject: my dear aquantance Kassie Ann Wilmot. And pardon me, but I'm terribly excited for Alice in Wonderland tomorrow evening and I'm afraid I've picked up some kind of nineteen-thirties British manner of speaking :]

MOVING ON- I met Kassie in sixth grade drama club, because I was playing her babysitter and trying to convince her to come with me to rob a bank. My name was Carrie Coppins (ahem that's a play on names) and I had to make her eat tofu and she had to scream "I DON'T LIKE TOFU" and let me tell you we got GOOD at that :]. We grew pretty progressively closer through seventh grade, and when she had to take some crap from some of her good friends at the start of eighth I stood there with her and took what I could. Through the fall, winter, and part of spring of eighth grade, she was my best friend. The best friend I'd ever had and to this day have ever had. We could talk about everything, she was the first person I called for advice or just to hang out, and she knew what I was going to say before I said it.

Note the past tense there. I started playing guitar about a year after she had, last winter, and I think she thought I was competing with her. After that, our friendship was a little fragile, almost an off-and-on kind of thing. Then Emily, Brittany and I started hanging out and Kassie got a little pushed out. Then she and those friends that she fought with earlier started to come back together and I felt a little pushed out. From then until the summer was just a long train of events that ended with us silently hating each other. We started talking again at the beginning of this school year and I was really pumped, hoping maybe I could get a little piece of that one amazing friendship back again, and one day in mid-October it just all fell apart. I wasn't even there when it happened, but I came to lunch and Kassie was gone. Aparrently one of our friends had blown up at her with one of those "no one likes you" things and it was just STUPID because I'd thought she knew that at least I cared- but since then, I've tried to make conversation, left her myspace comments, sent her notes and emails, even smiled at her in the hallway. And all she'll do is look the other way. It hurts more than anything I've ever felt. It hurts as much as leaving ballet hurt, worse, because I know it's partly my fault. I have NOT been the greatest friend to Kassie and I'm a million percent aware of that, but I only wish she could find it in her heart to forgive me or at least acknowledge me. Heck, I just wish she'd come back to church or give me some assurance that she's not taking antidepressants like she said, but I'm starting to think that's just wishful thinking.

All in all, the past three years with Kassie have taught me SO MUCH. Most important is probably how important it is to think about consequences: had I cared about her instead of myself, I wouldn't be where I am now. Again, God gives and God has taken away, and while I have what I have, isn't it a sin to take that for granted? And if I'm ever in her place, which I have been and I'm sure I will be in the future, God, make me merciful and able to see from another's point of view. Maybe I think they're getting what they deserve, but guys, please remember this, NO ONE deserves being totally ignored by someone who means a tonn to them.

where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
somewhere alone in the bitterness
and I'll stay up with you all night
had I known how to save a life...

#10 - Lauren / Allie / Jordan

2006-11-11T19:50:00.000-08:00

These are some of my favorite girls in the world. When I'm down, they don't even ask about it- they can tell, and just being with them cheers me up. No, they're not Christians, but they're willing to listen when I'm struggling with my faith. Sometimes with my youth group friends I feel like I have some sort of apperance to keep up because sometimes it feels like I'm competing for some sort of position [I don't understand it but that's how it feels sometimes], and that makes it hard to let people know when things aren't going too well. I can tell these three about my doubts and fights and they understand, and believe it or not they give me GREAT advice [and since they're not believers, if I'm not honest and pretend my Christian walk is just a walk in the park, what does that look like?]. If you read #9 [Brittany], you heard about a time last winter / spring when we weren't on the best of terms. That drew me away from Emily and Kassie, and when I felt myself falling it was Allie who helped me write it out, Jordan who got me to laugh it off and Lauren who reminded me that we're all people and were made to help each other. It was during that time that I shared the gospel with them, and for about two weeks straight they were getting closer and closer to a relationship with Jesus, and in turn I was getting stronger too. I don't know whether or not they actually got saved, though, a lot of stuff happened then that I'd rather just forget so let's just move on...

Basically, I've been praying daily for these three girls, some of my closest friends who've been there through it all, since about Banished 2005. They've taught me everything I know about witnessing, especially how crucial it is that you don't push it too hard and turn them away completely. They've reinforced that great lesson that Anistasia and Hillary taught me- people are generally good. Yes, they're the kind of people who don't particularly care about offending a Christian with what they say and do, and it definitely hurts when they blatantly ignore and / or put down faith, but I don't see that as a reason to stop being friends with them. They care about me and that's what really matters in a friendship, plus I have more fun with them than you can imagine. They've taught me that, ultimatley, saving a soul is NOT my responsibility. I have shared the gospel and hopefully I'll get to do it again, but only God can convince someone to actually have a relationship with Him. All I can do is praypraypray and pray some more, and share when I think it's God's will, but He's got the plan, not me. So long as I keep praying [and meaning it with all my heart], since the persistent prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective, I really do believe that God will bring them in in His time. Maybe it'll be next time I share what I know, maybe they'll meet someone in college who can do what I couldn't, maybe it won't be for fifty years. It's not mine to decide. They've taught me to trust God 100% and realize that all I can do is rely on Him and be the kind of friend that He was.

#9 - Brittany [happy birthday!]

2006-11-10T12:56:00.000-08:00

a friend loves at all times...

If I've learned anything from Brittany it's the above. Sometimes she's the nicest, most fun person alive and we have a party, and sometimes she's got great ideas and / or advice, and to be perfectly honest, sometimes I really don't like her. We've known each other since probably second grade, and have been friends probably since fifth or so. Several times in the past five years I've noticed that sometimes things are just uggggg and it just seems like she doesn't really have any idea what's going on [but usually at those times life is just not in a good mood and I'm pretty introverted towards everybody and everybody's pretty annoying]. But, since I've called her a friend even during all that [well most of it], I need to love her. I think it was PD who said this summer at Patmos that "you don't always have to like everyone, you just have to love them." Let me tell you that's easier said that done, but I'm [slowly] learning. Being friends with Brittany has taught me a few biiiiiig things:

1. If you can't laugh at yourself, you're not going to last very long. I wonder sometimes if me and Brittany seem like we're really mean to each other, because half the time we're just making fun of something one of us [or both of us if we're in the concert mode hah] did one time.

2. The best way to prove someone wrong is to live life with no regrets. I'm not really in the mood to discuss last winter but the two of us were not exactly the closest of friends [this was an extended period where I didn't really like her] and I wanted to prove to her that having non-Christian friends and helping out at OLV was, in fact, not injuring my faith. I put more effort into everything, even just having fun, and it was incredible. I got stronger as a dancer and as a Christian, closer to some great people, even helped repair a friendship. I learned to channel my anger into the positives and it was amazing. Try it sometime :]

3. If you think someone is John Reuben, GO TALK TO HIM. Ditto with Steve from Sanctus Real.

4. Jealousy will kill you and it's the hardest battle to win. I've been struggling with envy in general this year and there have been quite a few sources of that [seriously like fifteen, I listed them out once a while back], Brittany was one of them. Brittany, if I've seemed weird to you, here you go, I've been fighting with myself and I'm sorry. Point being I've been slipping into that Seperate Peace-esq. "there was no harm in envying even your best friend a little" madness, and it's been taking a toll on every part of my life. Guys, if you can possibly avoid envy, DO IT. It's awful.

5. Put on a brave face and things will be okay. Sometimes all it takes to forget about something is to literally forget about it. Sometimes you've just got to take the good with the bad, accept that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, grin, and bear it. If you're able to laugh it off, things are going to be fine.

6. Before the average rock show, make a plan to get out before the mosh pit starts moshing.

7. Trust God and nobody else- friends are amazing, but they're still people. When I was fighting through the Catholic Church last year, it felt so very much like Brittany was pressurnig me to believe what was "her truth" at the time (Brown Street). I skipped my leading position at OLV a few times for BSBC yg and it felt straight-up wrong. I know now that Brittany was just trying to lead me to the truth [and that that just shows that she cared, not that she was trying to force it on me even though that's not how it felt], but God had a job for me at "Olive" and I that had to come first.

8. People are different. I like Anberlin, she's an FFH fan. She has devotionals, I prefer straight-up studying the Word. I read The Screwtape Letters while she's watching Narnia. I've got more close non-Christian friends than not and lots of "secular" CDs and she... well, doesn't, I guess. She jumps up to be friends with everyone, I'm more about observing and waiting for them to take initiative. I write and pray it out and keep it all in until I'm alone, she's not afraid to just cry. She'll wait for hours in the hot sun for one show, I'm... well, I would too, come to think of it :]

9. Next time you make a movie, make sure you watch it back after you cut it and everything. Just be sure there's not a body in the liiiiibrary :]

#8 (sorry a day behind!) - yoooouth group / retreats / etc. cool stuff :]

2006-11-09T17:47:00.000-08:00

Basically I love youth group and I hope you do too :]. But since I can't make evening service very often and morning almost never, and since my family aren't the most supportive and I don't have too many Christian friends, seeing you kids at youth group and hearing a great message really keeps me going just when the week's getting incredibly loooooong. Especially these last two weeks have been AMAZING and I've learned so very much. It's been very, very, VERY challenging, but in a good way- very different from the way helping out at OLV was challenging. I was straight-up exhausted today and now looking back over my day, I really do hate my sin and that's sooo cool, not that there's sin there but because I'm a little more like God for hating it! That is THEE COOLEST thought except for how bad I feel that I did it at all :[. Anyway, youth group isn't always this powerful [at least not for me] but it's always a fannntastic refresher. It's my own personal two hours to get all my excess energy out that I've wasted sitting doing homework, to talk to [almost] anyone about [almost] anything and really really know they'll listen and really will pray for me. I admit I don't tell anyone everything, and I don't usually ask people to pray for me, and I still feel like an outsider when everyone else is hanging out in prayer meeting and talking about the e-team and Sunday service and whatnot, but to be honest that's probably the way it should be. I've been taught that I can pray and witness and greet people on my own, whatever group I may or may not be part of, and that goes for everything. I think it's been a good lesson for me to wait to really be a part of things, I've learned about sixty-three times more about service and being on the outside from my time at OLV and this fall at BSBC than I think I could have any other way. I've had to learn paitence, non-jealousy or whatever you would call it, and humility, among others, all of which I still don't have the strongest handle on. So I guess to sum this up... I'm most definitley thankful for fellowship with kids who support me because a) I've leared lessons in more ways than one [messages as well as those hard-learned ones] and b) I've found people I really, honestly can trust. It's very very amazing to know that there are people out there who really do love God with all their hearts and want to share that fabulous love with stupid little me :]

#7 - Dan

2006-11-07T12:39:00.000-08:00

Dan's the man, what can I say? :] But really, I think I know Dan better than I know my own brother. I've known him almost as long- he introduced me to the Kozys the summer before kindergarden, plus he was Danny then haha. We've had the same experiences with living in two churches, and I'm starting to think Dan's has been a lot more like mine than I would've guessed. Sometimes it's hard to tell if he as an opinion at all because he's always so optimistic and nice, I haven't heard a mean word out of him in the past three years. That's something I really, REALLY admire, and Dan is one of maybe three people I know who've mastered it. He's also one of thee most supportive people alive, seriously, walking home and filling Dan in on my day just brightens it :]. We'll just be chatting and he'll make some comment that connects the situation to english class and it'll be hilarious. And- I just realized this, as I'm hanging out muching swiss cheese and typing this hah- I usually do most of the talking. He's perfectly content to just listen and throw in his two cents instead of pushing his problems on me- not that I don't like helping people, I really do, but I'm sure that's how Dan would see it. Actually I'm not sure if Dan even has any problems. He just hangs out and is perfectly content with everything and is always, always, ALWAYS enjoying life. That might be the thing I admire most about anybody alive, just that simple easy ability to enjoy. God has used Dan to reassure me that not all people are fickle and change in an instant and I don't have to watch my steps all the time to make sure I don't make someone angry. He's (God, I mean) also teaching me that sometimes it's better to just be silent, smile, and shrug it off- the walk home is long enough :]

#6 - Beckie

2006-11-06T12:33:00.000-08:00

Just an update if you've just tuned in- I took a leaf out of Kristen A's blog from last Thanksgiving (someone filled me in and I thought, hey, that's a really cool idea! bonne idee! hehe) and, for the entire month of November, I'm writing about one person / group / thing that I'm thankful for. So here we go :]

I've known Beckie Kozy since I was about four years old. She's always been about ten times more outgoing and loud than Emily- I remember this one time, I don't know how old I was, when me and Emily used to hang out and trade stickers (it was an intense process, man) and Beckie just sort of popped up in the middle of it wearing... well I don't even remember exactly what she was wearing, but it was crazy, and she decided (somewhat forcefully) that we were going to play dress-up instead. After that, me and Emily moved our stickers to the bus :]

So was there a point to that story? Not really, I just thought it was funny. But while Emily is quiet, paitent, and studious like no one else ever, Beckie is a little more human. That's made her more of an example for me. God has used Beckie to remind me that a Christian doesn't have to be a perfectly clean-cut, follows-every-rule kind of person to have real, living faith. I admire how much she cares about people and isn't afraid to be friends with everyone and anyone, whatever they look like or believe. We're not all that much alike, but as long as we've known each other Beckie's always taken time to ask me how it's going, how my faith's doing, even hold me accountable every once in a while which is a BLESSING times about fifty-seven. Plus she brightens a walk home like nobody I know- it gets a little quiet with me, Emily and Dan :]

#5 - Hillary and Anistasia

2006-11-05T17:21:00.000-08:00

You guys don't know these people either, but I think you should keep reading because you liked the Disney movie, cool? (Anistasia if you didn't catch that :])

Hillary and Anistasia are two more amazing friends from ballet. Anistasia is my age, and I've known her at least as long as I've known Katie, Emily and Bridgitt, if you read that one, and we've been friends for just as long. Last year we were the oldest two in our intermediate class, so most of our friends were advanced (and boy was that a slap in the face), and not to brag but we were the best in our class, so we were always thrown together. Hillary and I couldn't stand each other for years, because she's two years older than me and I was always in her classes and stuff, but we became friends in seventh grade or so :]. This spring, when we were rehersing for Sleeping Beauty, the three of us plus another girl were the "third group" of twelve girls with the same roles as us. Basically that means we weren't the best dancers (if anything we were the worst of our level), and of course, nothing brings people together like being the worst :]. Last winter's Nutcracker was a lot like this, too, and at the Civic it was always the three of us taking class and hanging out. They were the first people I told when I realized I needed to quit and also the quickest to support me, because they understood what it was like being one of the not-the-best dancers who wasn't going anywhere. There was the God aspect of it too, but I never really told anyone that; I think they understood that there was more to it than being sick of Mrs. Meneer and everything. Either way, Anistasia's Catholic and Hillary's Episcopalian, which I don't know much about, and faith was just never something we talked about.

I'm not even sure if they're saved or not, and I haven't seen them since June (but let me tell you the internet is an amazing thing), but Hillary and Anistasia have taught me that people are generally good at heart- like, not before God because we're all sinners and everything, but most people want to be nice and help people out. I think as humans, we're not just created in God's physical image, but our hearts are a little like His as well. We're not perfect, of course, but people in general are not as bad as I think we can make them out to be. Most people care and are willing to listen, and most people respect faith, even if it's different from theirs. God has used these two girls to remind me that whoever they are and whatever they believe, every person is still His creation, and that He's a pretty nice guy :]

#4 - poetry

2006-11-04T18:31:00.000-08:00

I haven't been feeling particularly thankful today (because ugggg my iPod got stolen out of my locker at school yesterday) but I'm posting anyway. Be pumped :]

I think most of you guys know that I write a lot of poetry, and if you didn't, now you do, hmm? To me, it's thee most amazing form of expression there is. When I don't understand something, I start writing about it to organize my thoughts. When I have one of those prayer blocks in my head, I read psalms. I can say more with twenty lines than I could say if I talked for an hour, and a lot of times I get even more out of alliteration and metaphor than I would out of great advice (not that anyone's advice sucks, just exampling :]). It got me out of my terrible mood this afternoon, I read some, I wrote some, it didn't really matter, but it worked. Music has so many connotations- certain songs or bands for certain people, events, emotions- and I'm the only person I know who's cool enough to have anything to do with free verses. I think I can be more honest in poems than I can be in anything I say, even in prayer; a lot of time poems become unconcious prayers. I'd like to think it's a gift, more than likely it's just a habit, but it's helped me out many a time :]

Sorry that wasn't very exciting, but it's all I could come up with right now. I'm still a little angry with the world...

#3 - concerts

2006-11-03T12:50:00.000-08:00

I know concerts seem like a trivial thing, but they mean a lot to me. I don't know if you guys know this, but I was saved at a Third Day concert at the Alive Festival in 2005. And I don't know if you've ever been to a big Christian rock concert, but if you have, you know that you can just feel worship and love flying around the place, and then for a few seconds the music stops and everything is silent, and the band reads a Scripture or says a prayer, and it's the most amazing feeling ever. During a Third Day show this past summer (pictured at the top as well :]), the entire crowd was asked to join hands with the people beside them and start dancing. It was just this huge crowd of interconnected people praising God, and I was thinking about that, and that's exactly what life is, too. I don't know if I've ever understood being part of the Body of Christ more than I did then. And it's not just Third Day shows that are amazing but those were the two that I thought of today. In the end, concerts have taught me that God speaks in so many ways: He doesn't just use silence, but noise to the point that your ears ring for days afterward, and not just stillness but the motion of a thousand people that doesn't stop. God cannot be confined to a hymn book (nothing against hymns, but personally, if the only Christian music I'd ever heard were these traditional organ songs, I would DEFINITLEY not be the person I am now) or inside one person. He's too big, too incredible, and far too creative for that :]

#2 - Tyleasha / Kristen / Elizabeth

2006-11-02T12:33:00.000-08:00

Now you guys know these three, so you have to read this one, mmmkay? If you don't know what this is about, I suggest reading the top part of #1. Thanks crowd :]

So there's not really a need for me to explain my history with these kids because you guys have been there all along at youth group and camp and etc. I met Kristen and Ty at Banished 2005, and I really don't remember when I met Elizabeth but hey :]. Basically I'm thankful for these girls because they've been examples since the day I met them. They're my age (well Tyleasha is five days older hah) and have to deal with basically the same things I do. Even though we're not that close of friends- yet :]- I have no doubt I could take anything to them and they would help me out or at least pray for me. Actually I'm sure they'd pray for me no matter what and it's the greatest feeling in the world to know that someone cares about you enough to ask the God of the universe to care for you :]

Tyleasha is the only person I know who almost always laughs at every one of my dumb jokes and makes better ones (well, sometimes they're even worse :]) right back. I guess you could say we have the same incredible sense of humor. Plus she's pretty much one of thee strongest Christians I've ever known, aaaand she plays golf :]. I'm most definetly looking forward to getting to know this girl better.

Elizabeth is one of the funnnnniest people imaginable. We'd only talked a few times before Patmos this summer but that was no problem at all of course, because she's also extremely nice / outgoing. I guess we still don't know each other all that well but I still love this girl :].

Kristen has a heart of gold. She's sososo nice and she just straight-up accepted me from the minute we met last year :]. I can trust her to pray or try and talk to someone or whatever and she never fails. She has like this amazing balance of outgoing-funness and serious-godliness that I really admire. Plus she BOOed me at Burton so that makes her pretty cool.

#1 - Bridgitt / Emily / Katie

2006-11-01T12:34:00.000-08:00

So sometime in the past few days, I don't remember when, someone was telling me about how Kristen Adams posted about one person she's thankful for every day for a while (sorry if that's not quite right, it's all I remember :] ), and I thought that's a really cool idea. So I think I'll try something like that myself. Every day from now until Thanksgiving, I'm going to try and post one person, group of people, or thing that I've been blessed with. Hopefully it'll result in me being more optimistic and aware of God, and you might just get filled in on something I always talk about and never take time to explain. You might even be featured :]... problem being I only have room for 23 !!!!

So I'm starting off today with (from left in the picture) Bridgitt Elizabeth, Emily Ann, and Kathryn Rae (and me :]), probably the three most amazing people I know. I've known them since I think thrid grade when we all ended up in the same ballet class. In fifth grade, Emily, Katie and I were all thrown into a more advanced class, and being the youngest ones we stuck together. Bridgitt came up into that class in sixth grade, and for a year or so none of us could stand her because, in all honesty, she was the biggest teacher's pet you can imagine :]. She grew out of it, or maybe we did, either way the four of us became a tight-knit group by the next year. Of course, at the end of that year (seventh grade), Emily had to choose between going to CVCA the next year or continuing ballet, and she chose CVCA. I saw her maybe four times through all of eighth grade :[. Then I left ballet at the end of that year, and since then, the four of us have all been together exactly twice, once in August and once last night- we dressed up as characters from Mary Poppins and passed out Halloween candy. And that's how we know we're really cool :]

Our circumstances aren't the greatest for hanging out, but these girls have taught me what true friendship really is. We've never actually had a spiritual conversation, but there's that connection when we're all together... the worn-out Bible next to Bridgitt's bed, the cross with Proverbs 3:5 hanging beside it that greets you at Emily's house, the drawings Katie and her siblings did of the fruits of the Spirit on their fridge. I can tell them anything, because they don't know the people my situations involve, and trust them to give me fair, godly advice. Friendship is when you can come back together after months of being at different schools with different friends and laugh and talk like nothing's changed, because it really hasn't. It's when you find out that you really don't have any friends or anything in common to discuss and you can still talk all night. We're all still ourselves and we're still held together by the love for dancing that brought us together in the first place. So, I guess God has used them to teach me that some things never change :]

one of those days :]

2006-10-30T18:36:00.000-08:00

Q: WHAT MADE YOU SMILE YESTERDAY?
A: drawing Hannah a picture of our Burton cabin with Brittany hahaha

Q: WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT 8 THIS MORNING?
A: environmental geology presentation ugg

Q: WHAT WERE YOU DOING 15 MINUTES AGO?
A: getting a Halloween costume together

Q: SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU IN 1995?
A: umm your mom

Q: LAST THING YOU SAID ALOUD?
A: Can you leave the milk out? (to Kev, I wanted some cereal hah)

Q: HOW MANY DIFFERENT THINGS DID YOU DRINK TODAY?
A : 2 (water / green tea mmm)

Q: WHERE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND(s) RIGHT NOW?
A: probably their houses or ballet

Q: WHAT COLOR IS YOUR TOOTHBRUSH?
A: green and white

Q: LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
A: hmmm... probably my lunch on Friday.

Q: LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A: tubing with Kristen at Patmos haha :]

Q: WHAT COLOR IS YOUR FRONT DOOR?
A: red

Q: WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR MONEY?
A: in my wallet which is in my purse

Q: WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE TODAY?
A: GORGEOUS thank you very much

Q: BEST ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
A: MOOSE TRACKS ooh man !!

Q: LAST RAINBOW YOU SAW?
A: no idea, sorry

Q: DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS
A: Kev :]

Q: ARE YOU VERY RANDOM?
A: kinda like your mom yeah

Q: DO YOU WANT TO CUT YOUR HAIR?
A: a little, yes.

Q: ARE YOU OVER THE AGE OF 25?
A: far from it.

Q: DO YOU TALK A LOT?
A: sometimes I guess... do I?

Q: DO YOU WATCH THE OC?
A: no.

Q: DOES YOUR SCREEN NAME HAVE AN '' X '' IN IT?
A: no it does not.

Q: DO YOU KNOW ANYONE (ANYTHING) CALLED STEVE?
A: YES HAHAHAHAHA LOL BRITTANY THIS JUST MADE MY DAY

Q: DO YOU MAKE UP YOUR OWN WORDS?
A: yes on occasion... anyone remember camp?

Q: ARE YOU TICKLISH?
A: :]

Q: 4TH PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALLS?
A: n/a

Q: WHAT DID THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED SAY?:
A: n/a

Q: DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
A: yes, every day.

Q: DO YOU HAVE CURLY HAIR?
A: yeahh

Q: WHAT IS THE NEXT CONCERT YOU'RE GOING TO?
A: WINTERFEST in January... SANCTUS REAL, HAWK NELSON, Steeeeven Cuuuurtis Chapppppman, and etc WOOO PUMPED !!!

Q: WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A: Kellogs' Smart Start mmmmm

Q: DO YOU WATCH TV?
A: almost never actually

Q: DO YOU HAVE WORK TOMORROW?
A: nope.

Q: EVER BEEN HUNTING?
A: not that kind of hunting :]

Q: IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
A: I hope so !!

Q: DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
A: Rosie... Roz... Rosilinda (Allie came up with that at play practice)... etc.

Q: IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
A: well yeahh!

Q: ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
A: yes very much so.

Q: WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
A: Oh! Gravity by SWITCHFOOT WOOOO yes !!!

Q: ARE YOU CURRENTLY DEPRESSED?
A: not particularly no

Q: DO YOU THINK ANYONE MISSES YOU RIGHT NOW?
A: no, I don't think so... but you never know hmmm? :]

& the number one reason

2006-10-17T12:45:00.000-07:00

to get excited for Christmas?
it's straight-up AMAZING.
especially if you're one of those Family Force Five fans.

FRENCH BAGETTES

2006-10-14T20:22:00.000-07:00

Bowling tonight = SOOO MUCH FUN haha!!

And Panera was thee best Homecoming dinner you can imagine... because Ty's ten tater tots told tall tales to... something about tasting trumpets. and Emily finally got her mango slushie. And we're not even going to mention those French bagettes and getting the butter... oooh no :]

Then bowling itself was pretty great because Kristen learned how to do a pas de chat (pa-duh-shaa) and beat Bobby (which made her pretty psyched I must say) and Mrs. Kozy had like 234790098 strikes in a row... only half kidding hah :]. And me and Christine basically knew every word to "Where Is The Love" and were ROCKING OUT oooh man and Emily couldn't get her thumb paralell to the arrows. So yes for the most part it was amazing.

Except although the disco lights were amazing did the speakers really have to bust out "My Humps" and kill this brilliant night? Because it was like culture shock going from jazzy Panera with a huge crowd of Christians and to a smoky (NEVER EVER EVER SMOKE ONE OF THOSE CANCER STICKS PLEASE, I'll... well I'll be reallyreallyreally upset with you k?), censored-rapping (although I admit some of it was pretty catchy and a blast from like fifth grade) bowling alley? And I actually think the huge group of Christians made it harder because we were all so sensitive to it. I really felt bad for Kristen and Bobby and Andy because that's just not what you guys do... like, most of us hear it every day (and that doesn't make it any better but at least we're expecting it) and I know I've learned to tune it out, but... well, that's me. And it was a tonnn harder to just dance and forget it like usual when everyone looked kind of shocked.

So that wasn't the coolest thing but I'm sure it was nothing like the dance itself, so it was still most definetly coooool. And I'm really glad that's how I got to spend my freshman homecoming!! many many many heartss to Emily, Tyleasha, Kristen, Christine, Dan, Bobby, Andy, Michael, Mrs. K and Mrs. E for creating the real "Stairway to the Stars" for about fifteen dollars each :]

Grammar lessons from C.S. Lewis

2006-10-04T17:59:00.000-07:00

"WE WANTED TO BE NOUNS, BUT WE ARE, AND ETERNALLY MUST BE, MERE ADJECTIVES."

what do adjectives do? describe nouns placed near to them in a sentence.

what to they tell? characteristics of the noun.

what do Chrisitans do? describe God with their actions, words and lives.

what do Christians tell? characteristics of God.

do adjectives lie? no. you can't say "the purple banana," it doesn't make sense.

that's called a misplaced modifier, just for the record.

do Christians's lives lie about God?

well, is God selfish, hateful, excluding, jealous, ignorant?

"Christian" literally means "little Christ."

does "hateful little Christ" make sense?

no. that's a misplaced action.

so guess what, Christians?

be an adjective, not a modifier.

describe God. don't try to change Him.

<333>The Problem of Pain. read it, kid :]

in this false life something needs to give...

2006-09-30T06:17:00.000-07:00

--10:30 p.m. edit--

with my two lips I will praise your name
then I turn around and only curse in pain
I give in, strength is thin, adding to my shame
tell me a reason why this isn't treason
tell me, tell me I'm wrong
I swear I'm back but it turns out it's only a season
tell me, tell me I'm wrong

today has been one of those unexplainably angry days. things just seem to be getting worse. the quince was amazing for the most part though, don't worry guys :]. but I fought with Dad AGAIN. that's the third time this week not even including Mom. what is wrong with me?? I know how much I need to love my parents becuase they need Christ (and badly) but suddenly everything they say just flips this "bad mood" switch inside me. plus I probably can't go to Switchfoot in November and that basically ruined everything I've been looking forward to. Brittany it's not your fault and I know that but I'm not very happy just because I was looking forward to it so incredibly much. I really miss ballet right now... dancing at the party tonight felt so absolutely incredibly blissful. I'd forgotten why I loved it so much, not even just ballet but anything. it's such an incredible release. and oooh man I just used "incredible" three times in the last three sentences. --end edit--

and nothing else is really happening right now except I'm losing touch every day with six people who need Christ more than anything. And for the first time in months a few of them have decided that respecting a person's beilefs doesn't really matter.

Pleasepleaseplease pray for Jordan, Allie, Lauren, Hillary, Anistasia, and Justin. And even more so, pray for Kevin, my brother. I've invited him to youth group every week that I've come since summer started and he's just not into it. I'm pretty sure he's not saved, and ditto with my parents, and that's another story altogether that I'd rather not think about right now. But I keep remembering what Clint said last Wednsday-- salvation is a limited-time offer. And even at the missionary dinner someone said that "a time will come when there will be no more missionaries, and everyone who is unreached will stay unreached." As we'd say in english class, "unreached" ends in a very final, very sudden "d" sound, and "unreached will stay unreached" takes a lot of effort to say... in the composition of this, the author was trying to convey the finality of the rapture and the effort it will take to a) accept that some souls will stay unreached, and b) prevent that. Interpret, analyze, repeat. hehe that was cool :]

btw, happy quince day to Elizabeth! much love and de-light!

for every awkward silence...

2006-09-24T14:22:00.000-07:00

George says hello.

I love Camp Patmos.

2006-09-22T12:20:00.000-07:00

Rosie
has been
Banished to the Isle
until this time Sunday!

leave her something lovely!

when life hands you lemons...

2006-09-11T17:08:00.000-07:00

make something beautiful :)

dreams are so intoxicating :)

2006-08-30T17:03:00.000-07:00

so basically I love high school. and I really didn't think I'd be saying that, but I do. I'm having a lot of fun; my teachers are pretty good (well I like most of them) and I like my classes and even golf team is going ok. as ok as golf team can go I guess :).

1st block is geology with Mr. Moyer. he kind of scares me because I've heard some weird stories from his class but the class itself is okay. I mean, it's the basic study of the earth, soil composition and water and oxygen cycles and etc. it sounds like no big bang, no evolution, no nothing is involved and I can't say I mind that. plus it's not totally freshmen, there's a few of us and a few people from each grade and that's kind of cool... it makes me feel smart and all, plus it's an incentive to work harder. so this one's not bad.

2nd block: French with Mrs. Basso. possibly my favorite class although it's a hard choice. it's just fun, straight up, and I like how Madame Basso is so, like... interactive I guess is the word? instead of hopeless worksheets like last year (though we do a few of course, and I liked my French teacher last year, I just didn't learn too much) it's a matter of repeating and having conversations and everything so that not only can you spell the word but you can say it right too! yay that's nice :). and me and Brittany have wicked study sessions of course. and yes, I'm joining French club, and no, you can't laugh at me because it's going to be amazinggg.

academy and lunch... who really cares?

3rd is honors English with Mrs. Stallman, I like this class, I really do. but Stallman is quite a bit more strict that Mrs. Caslow ever was and I really really really miss my eight-person class from middle school. but I get the feeling it's going to make me a million times better of a writer and that's exciting to me because I'm a loser :). but I'm going to be challanged more than the past few years, yes some of that was hard, but I'm going to have to do my absolute best to stand out as a good writer this time. plus I actually enjoy analyzing novels and learning new vocab words (did you know "hackneyed" is an adjective for something overused to the point that it's boring?) and even grammar is okay. so this might turn out to be a favorite in the end.

finally 4th block is newswriting and this is my other fighter for favorite at the moment. I know I'm only a freshman but I've been considering journalism as a career for the past few months and this is like my first step and that's REALLY REALLY exciting. because we're like the pre-newspaper staff, everything we write has a chance to go in the paper, if it's especially good. once again this is amazing motivation; it's another class with all different grades... all sorts of people that I don't know and I don't know how good of writers they are. so in the end I'm really going to have to work my butt off because I want that byline (the byline is the author's name underneath the title of an article) soooo much. it's like this class is going to decide my future as a journalist. I know in the end it's up to God but this is still that first step, as well as that first obstacle. we'll see what happens here. I'm PSYCHED though.

after school: golf! hehe :) basically it's fun though. I'd never played in my life until June because one of my friends had to play (her whole family are amazing golfers) and I said ok, I'll do it with you just for the heck of it, and turns out I kind of like it. I'm not very good but there's only eight of us on the team so I'm pretty sure I'm getting my VARSITY LETTER heck yes!! seriously that's so cool. plus I'm covering our season for (potentially) the newspaper :D. however my coach is like "yay... let's have ALL our matches on Wednsdays" so I won't be able to make youth group until like the week before Banished. by the way I am SO PSYCHED for Banished haha...

My strength is not determined by never messing up
but that every time that I fall down
is one more time that I will get back up
so choose your battles wisely, get in line
look around, family is what you'll find
let's be the ones to move this city
if you're with me then say yeahh
and if we fail we'll just keep trying till we make it...

!!!!

2006-08-21T14:13:00.001-07:00

HIGH SCHOOL...
TOMORROW.

where did the last three years go???

Mustard Seeds

2006-08-14T18:05:00.001-07:00

http://allpoetry.com/poem/2180295 reads & comments would be aaaamazing you know? (on the blog unless you're that cool to have an allpoetry account? and if you are why aren't you on my favorites?!)
WOW the first night of missioning was... well it was amazing. I came prepared to push a lawn mower around for a few hours and left... I guess I would say I was feeling empowered. I honestly never thought I would be able to go around and talk to spontaneous people I'd never met and tell them anything, except maybe the current prices of girl scout cookies, much less tell them about Jesus. but God used tonight to change my heart plus hopefully those of the people we invited to church. I was honestly planning on not coming to door-to-door night because a) my parents weren't too excited about it and b) I was terrified. but when the mowing didn't happen, I thought ok, there's got to be a reason for this. Dad didn't stay and I didn't have a way of getting in touch with him to even let him know what we were doing (he doesn't like cell phones)... and so... there I was, walking down Hammel Street with Audrey, Elizabeth, Vicki and Carl to visit some people I'd met maybe once and some who I'd never seen and may never meet again. And I found that even though some of the college kids, or the families of the youth group kids, probably weren't Christians, they were still nice people and that was very comforting. I know that nobody is "good," in the sense that we're all sinners, but I think people are generally good at heart and want to be nice. regardless of their beliefs now, God did create them and He created them to do good works (yeah who caught the mission verse?), and I think part of Him can be found in everybody. And the more that a person gets to know Jesus the more of Him you can see in them. I think I grew tonight. I'm sure I couldn't walk alone through the city telling everyone who passed me about the gospel (like PD did in Berlin) or anything, but I think next time it will be easier. and maybe soon I'll be able to be open about my faith and not plug up when the subject of church comes up. and maybe soon I'll be willing to risk a friendship for the sake of that friend's soul. I'm not sure who my "personal challange" will turn out being this week, I have a few friends in mind (Brittany and Emily I'm pretty sure you know who I'm thinking of) who I've been praying for... wow probably close to a year but haven't shown any interest in believing since I shared the gospel with them a few months ago... my parents... maybe even Kev. maybe all of the above. I'm just waiting for an opportunity and trusting that God will send one my way... He did tonight. by the way, who LOVED those cookies? yeah those were soft & chewy Chips Ahoy... on sale for 70 cents less than usual :). and make sure to drink some milk in honor of Mowing Moosday.

House Lights Down

2006-08-05T20:32:00.000-07:00

What if life is a play, and each stars in his own? Every play has its stars, ensemble, and crew; every story has its good guys, bad guys, lovers, mysteries, and laughs. Every show has a director, unseen, to hold each strand together. And inevitably, every show has an audience.
There are those who criticize and dwell on the mistakes. Some are supportive parents who are unable to find fault, blinded by their fondness. Still others are just looking for entertainment and find themselves drawn in, mesmerized by the gracefully woven tales and harmoniously realistic, and at the same time fantastic, voices. These tend to be those who most enjoy the show, because it took them by surprise.

To create this hypnotic other world is no magic task. Some, those cast as “stars,” receive both a blessing and a curse—a chance to shine at the cost of many a free evening. The ensemble, the “supporting roles,” are often just that: support. Though a star could likely perform the show themselves merely from their knowledge of it, the supporters are there to cover those bases; to together be strong so that the stars can go that much further. And of course, frequently unnoticed, is the stage crew: those who make the show what is truly is, a show, a theatrical creation. Without light or sound a performance is worth very little.

The true quality of a play lies in the quality of its story. An uneventful tale lacking strong characters will hold not even the proudest parent’s attention. There never has been, nor will there ever be a story without conflict, and conflict is always tied to some sort of search for truth. A protagonist is always at odds with an antagonist, who nearly always believes himself in the other role. And few plots are strong enough to survive without a touch of laughter and love.

All this is placed in the hands of the director. It is in this person’s power to select the people involved and what sort of adventure they will be leading the unsuspecting audience into. In fact, that is the one thing the director is not totally in control of—who takes a seat at the curtain’s rise, and who walks away somehow affected.

I am the star of my own play, and God is my director. He cast me in this role because I have certain qualities that no other actress can bring. He has chosen me a fantastic ensemble and crew, a network of faces who support me, who make me who I am, who add those extra effects to my life—in fact, He has also selected me to several other supporting roles, in other shows. He has written me a gripping plot, to the point where occasionally I forget the ending myself; but it is also a beautiful, lighthearted script full of love and smiles. Several enemies are warming up beside me, sure of their lines and blocking. However, I too am well-rehearsed, and I know the ending well. Perhaps I will forget a few lines, but I am confident that I can improvise with those final scenes in mind. None can say who will fill the seats on opening night, but my Director chose me for a reason, because I can affect them like no one else. I have practiced intently and I’m ready for the opening night drawing so near, so quickly; ready to take a few by surprise, to show my God that He chose the right star.

And when I reach curtain call, the first of many, in four years, I can only pray that I will be able to say of my own life: “so ends our tale of love, mystery, and a fair bit of silliness. I hope all your endeavors end as well as ours did.” And when the curtains fall for the final time, wherever and however that may be, I can only imagine that standing ovation that I might receive, because I know who has been watching me.

looking for something to do next weekend?
come see Rumplestiltskin!
Friday the 11th and Saturday the 12th
Tallmdage High School, 7:30 p.m.
tickets $5 for students and $9 for adults
totally family-friendly! and funny just the same!
cheer for the stage left curtain... that's me :)

eloquent as an elephant! <3

2006-08-02T09:31:00.000-07:00

So, just thought I'd update...

Nothing has really happened since camp, I guess... I've just been hanging out, went over to Emily's one day (I think), went to the movies with Brittany, Emily and Dan (where is the thump-thump?!), went over to Brittany's on Monday and hung out with her and Leann (HE LOOKS LIKE A BUG!), have been rehersing for the community theater's Rumplestiltskin (yeeeah stage crew = woooo!) mostly every night... it's been fun. And I'm psychhhed because
I'M SEEING SANCTUS REAL ON SUNDAY! YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! Me Brittany Leann and possibly Jackie and Jessica are going to the Fest (this one-day Alive sort of thing, for some Catholic Family Day (so why they invited Sanctus Real is beyond me... whatever) but our church is going so we figured why not?) and Steven Curtis Chapman will be there too so that should be a great time. but I am very very very excited aaaaaaah!

<3333 Rosie

p.s. like the new layout? this is the strangest background I've ever seen :)

Battle Cry?

2006-07-27T17:22:00.000-07:00

(so the banner doesn't work... whatever. http://www.battlecry.com.)

hey guys, check this out, it's a cool organization. I first heard about it at Alive 2005, one of the speakers mentioned it, and then a xanga comment brought my attention back to it. BC is basically a group (mostly an online group) of Christians looking to "be salty" (to slow the decay of this generation) through evangelism and prayer. See, at the rate things are going right now, by the time we are adults, only 4% of the U.S. will be Bible-believing Christians... P.D. gave us that stat, remember how he said it's so important to stay with the church? so imagine the world today, in all its violent and sensual glory, with 35% of our country as Christians... and imagine the same world with only one seventh of those Christians. To me that's terrifying and I know I've barely seen the surface of everything.

So BC is a group of Christians (all ages, all denominations, whatever) out to stop that decay, and to bring people to Christ so that we can change those stats. it's like a big witnessing support group, to pray for each other and the movement, offer encouragement and advice, share stories, whatever you like. kind of like the Christian-witness edit of myspace. cool stuff. just thought I'd share if anyone's interested or has heard anything or whatever. eh?

<33 Rosie

"I just envisioned a rainbow without any green." the lovely story of Camp Patmos 2006

2006-07-23T10:54:00.001-07:00

Yes, I got this from the camp website... no, my method probably wasn't legal (copypasting the whole screen into paint and cutting the picture). But I don't have my pics developed yet so this will do. Plus it's a lovely picture of all of us, eh?
left to right: Elizabeth, Danielle, me, Ashley, Kristen, Tyleasha, Brittany, Kassie and Emily.

In the nine days or less that I've spent at Camp Patmos, one thing has become really, really clear: this is no ordinary place. No, Patmos is a retreat in every sense of the word, an entire other world where nothing bad can touch anyone. Maybe it's the lake, maybe it's the sunshine, or more likely, maybe it's God's doing. It's peaceful like nothing else. Everyone gets along perfectly and everyone grows in their faith. You can't avoid it. My week was no different.

1. First of all, I had such a great time with everybody, as soon as we got to the church Monday morning I think we could all just tell, this was going to be a ton of fun, and boy it sure was. It felt like the whole camp was the same way, there was just this happy-excited vibe everywhere. I can't remember another time when it was so easy to just chill and be myself. And that includes the staff, I bet I could've walked up to any of them and come away with a friend or at least a smile. We also got to spend a lot of time with the Jackson family and they're some of the greatest people ever. And of course there were the eight of us plus Mrs. Kozy in AJ4... you guys are wicked amazing. So you pair these incredible people with a few crazy activities/games/etc. and some beautiful weather and too few hours of sleep and you get way too much fun.

2. I turned fourteen at 3:33 p.m. on Thursday, July 20. I found out later that I was on a boat at that time after a wild tubing adventure (well, a very careful wild tubing adventure because this was the day after the chin incident haha) with Kristen. The camp sang to me in a.m. chapel because my cabin-mates are lovely people like that and arranged it. I'm pretty sure this was the day we saw a snake eating a fish... wow gross. but it was a fabulous day except for that.

3. Then there's the other side, maybe the real side, of camp: what happens in chapel and on the shore, I guess it's what happens in our hearts. God really spoke to me this week through P.D., His Word, the devotions, you guys, even the songs. I remember listening on Monday night to P.D.'s first message and thinking "this is going to be quite a week." A lot of my doubts were cleared up this week and for some reason that was really hard. By (I think) Wednsday night, I'd realized that suddenly most of my doubts about Christianity had been proven unfounded. I'm not sure why but I found myself desperately searching for something I could argue. When I could come up with nothing I was... well, at a loss for words. I've spent this past year arguing, finding a difference almost weekly between Catholicsism and Christianity, or finding a verse I didn't understand, and giving it to Emily to defend; of course she never failed. But it wasn't until Thursday, over a year after I was saved, that I had no reason to doubt that salvation. That was a powerful feeling. I remember sitting there by the shore, only a few hours into being fourteen, after an intense message from P.D. about what it really means to be saved. The following morning we got to do our own devotions and I ended up in Romans 8 , and jumping into my face were the words "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." For the first time in a long time I think I understood that I don't understand, if that makes any sense. I think I finally got that sometimes there's no one to blame, some things just had to happen and I may never know the reason. It's been the hardest thing to find something I feel I can honestly and totally believe in, but now, I know it's the truth. God used this place and this week and these people to fill me with peace, a reassurance that He will never leave me or forsake me.

And I'm not going to finish this off saying I can't wait to go back. I mean, I can't, I'm psyched for Banished (hopefully I'll be there, and my brother might come too if we're lucky and Dan will go) and of course next summer, but I must admit I'm pretty psyched to be home too. I'm ready to go out there and share what I've learned over the past year and bring Jesus to the world (or bring the world to Jesus if you like). I'm ready for high school and whatever it brings, as long as I stay devoted to studying the Word and praying- haha, devoted to my devotions- I can stay close to God and bring His light to others. I can be salty and slow down the decay of this crazy world. But one thing P.D. said really got to me, the thing about how your Christian friends should be your closest friends. I don't have a ton of Christian friends outside of church, just a few others at school who I'm not very close to and maybe two or three at ballet. So will you guys hold me to accountability? it would be amazing if yes.

So I'm going to close this instead with a quote I saw on Emily's wall when we got back to the Kozy's house that really seemed to sum up the whole week, excuse the loose paraphrase because I don't remember it exactly-

"A lighthouse doesn't run around beating people with its light. It just shines." -anonymous

hallelujah, He RAINS!

2006-07-15T18:34:00.000-07:00

aaaah... yes, yes He does. (more power to those who caught the Newsboys allusion in the title). So Ty's party was fun times ten. We got there and played volleyball and had dinner and stuff, pizza and pasta salad mmmmm... then we had to go stand on the street corner to wait for Becky since she's that cool... and then we had cake and presents and etc, and I learned how to spell Tyleasha (wow I didn't know how to on the card... I felt bad aaaah!). then we went outside and had a water balloon toss that lasted about five minutes, and then it started raining but did that stop the hide-and-seeking? of course not. so me and Ty were awesome partners and Mr. Terrifying Tiki Man was safe haha and then we gave up because it was raining hardhardhard (plus lightning... and we were all touching a metal pole because it was "safe..." irony much?) so we went over to the parking lot next door and danced in the puddles singing CAMP SONGS WOOOO! haha Brittany that was awesome... He rains! and by this time it was like 10:30 and every part of each of us was soooooaked so we went inside to dry off... then we watched Yours, Mine and Ours which has HAWK NELSON in it while they were still hot... aaah that made my night. and Ashley killed me at hot hands (lmnop! haha so excited for camp!) and then we all started drifting off while watching While You Were Sleeping which is a cute little movie if you ever get bored. Then we woke up and hung out for a little while and me and Elizabeth understood the cinnamon-cracker band-aids and I had Lucky Charms for breakfast for the first time in eeever...

then I had to leave about half an hour early to go to MY FIRST GUITAR LESSON woooo! so I was pretty psyched for that. and I guess I'm pretty good because I can already read music and know about majors and minors and dominant sevenths from piano-ing. so I'm learning Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd in the next two weeks and it's cool just because I can say "yeah, I can play Pink Floyd." on my acoustic. haha yeah right.

Ok, Emily Beckie Brittany Becky and Kassie (or anyone else if you want to), I'm in need of advice... a few nights ago I was really confused and I just opened up my Bible and what I read fit 100% PERFECTLY to my life, it was exactly what I needed to hear, God was literally talking to me and it was so cool. what I read was somewhere in Mark and it was that verse that says (loose paraphrasing, deal with it) "if your eye causes you to sin, cut it out and throw it away. it's better to go through your life crippled than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." this was after I got back from the summer school show and was missing ballet so terribly... I remembered why I left in the first place. it was causing me to sin, to be concieted and put myself in front of others and work for my own glory instead of God's.

but then I started thinking about other things, and I was also confused because I've been noticing that I'm a very PROUD person. and sure you can say I have plenty of reasons to be proud, grades, poetry, music, ballet, whatever, but it's still a bad thing in God's eyes. so I was thinking, if pride is a sin, what causes me to be proud? my grades? I can't just cut school out of my life and I can't just start failing because wouldn't that be taking what God has given me for granted? but what about... wow this kind of hurts to say... what about poetry? I know I'm a good writer, as concited as that sounds, because as a writer I have to know what is good and what isn't.... I'm incredibly critical of myself, so when something is good, I know it. but if it's causing me to be proud, shouldn't I cut it out of my life? but I also believe it's a God-given talent, maybe what He has planned for the rest of my life... so shouldn't I be trying to be the best I can be? and I do write for God, at least I try to, mostly I write about where I am in my faith at that moment... so that's glorifying Him, right? but then I look back at some of my stuff and think, "wow, I am really good," and even though I don't say it when people tell me I am, I definetly think it. so I am really really confused. and, I've been reading Romans for two weeks or so now and it's taught me a lot about being a hypocrite and I also realized that not only am I proud and self-centered, but I'm a heck of a hyporite. so I'm pretty annoyed with myself at the moment. I know I'll never be perfect but I want to be so much better than I am, you have no idea... (actually you probably do have a pretty good idea, I think everyone gets stuck at this place sometimes)... I want to be so much more compassionate, I love people but I get annoyed so easily... I want to be so much better at music and writing and etc but so much more humble... I do not do the good I want to do but the evil I hate, being sold as a slave to sin... (yes I stole that from Romans 7:14-21 haha Emily)... basically I am a living contradiction with my heart in what I hope is the right place but my actions unable to reflect that. aaaaarg!

sometimes it's embarassing to talk to You
to hold a conversation with the only one who sees right through
this version of myself I try to hide behind
I'll bury my face because my disgrace will leave me terrified
and sometimes I'm so thankful for Your loyalty
You love without reserve, the mistakes I make will spoil me
my confidence is, in a sense, a gift You've given me
and I'm satisfied to realize You're all I'll ever need
and sometimes I spend my time just trying to escape
I work so hard so desperately in an attempt to create space
'cause I want distance from me and the most important thing I know
I see Your love, then turn my back and beg for You to go...
and You recite my words right back to me, before I even speak
You let me know I am understood.

<3333 Rosie

p.s. crap I just reread that and discovered how incredibly "emo-I-hate-myself" it sounded... nonono it's totally NOT like that, I know God understands and I know I can overcome this with His help, the above song describes everything perfectly... I just had to get that out of my system. and if you have advice it is by all means welcome. plus camp is in TWO DAYS WOOO (actually I have to be at the Kozy's in about 35 hours yayayay!) so I'm really looking forward to maybe learning something I need to hear from this famous "PD" you all speak of... eh?

why Emily and Brittany are my favorite people ever

2006-07-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

THESE ARE NOT MY PANTS
WHOSE PANTS ARE THESE ANYWAY???

:(

2006-07-08T20:00:00.000-07:00

ok guys... I don't want to post this but I will because I want you to know if things are weird. maybe you already know, I don't know, ugg...

My Grandma- Mary Dudek- died on Wednsday. yes, she had cancer, but she was beating it, and she just went to sleep after her chemotherapy treatments that day and didn't wake up.

you have no idea how hard it was to be 2500 miles away at the time.

calling hours are tomorrow, 3-7, and the funeral is Monday at 9 or 10 am (I think) at OLV, if you knew her. and if you did, you know how amazing she was and how much everyone in the whole freaking world loved her. and she loved everyone else and God more than anyone... and I know she has a lovely room in heaven.
please please please pray for our family. especially my Grandpa because he's taking it really hard.
thanks a million.

No chilling wind or poisonus breath
Can reach that healthful shore
Where sickness, sorrow, pain and death
Are felt and feared no more...
I am bound for the promised land.

where are the polka dots??

2006-06-26T16:32:00.000-07:00

can you see the polka dots in this background?

so I'm leaving for vacation yet again on Friday... & then it's home for a week... & then Patmos better watch out because Rosie is turning fourteen there :) wow I'm excited.

FOR ALL YOU RELIENT K FANS: don't miss this wooo!
maybe you already saw it but it gets better every time.
http://www.myspace.com/relientk
click pause on the music really quick
& scroll down on the left
a little way down there's a little video screen with this crazy animation playing
& it's the funniest thing you will ever see.
& I'm serious.

<333 Rosie

P.S. yes you love the song eh? some old-school Relient K for you-- For The Moments I Feel Faint. http://www.xanga.com/RaInY_DaY_MuSiC has some amazing codes if you want to be cool. not that you're not cool. you know what I mean.

you're not alive until you've been to ALIVE!

2006-06-26T08:02:00.000-07:00

it's that time again, folks... the grand summary of the Alive adventure! my ears are still ringing which is probably a very very bad thing! by the way, if you read this whole thing, I absolutely heart you.

TUESDAY: we left around 10:00. I met Leann (like really met and talked to her) who is basically my hero and then me and Kassie set up our tent when we got there about an hour later. then we walked over to the beach and rode the paddleboats and walked around singing Relient K and met the guy on the table and the family guy (FAMILY is an acronym for "Forget About Me I Love You... the answer to WWJD, cool yes?) and various mini-golfers and I don't remember who else. then we killed some time doing nothing back at the campground and went up to the stage around five for the Super Tuesday shows and I met some more people: Mike, Steve, Ben, Bridgett, and ran into Rachel from the OLV retreat a few weeks ago and woooo we had fun... general communist! so the first band was this crazy rap group called Divine Soldiers and this kid in front of us was really getting into it and it was incredibly funny. I took a picture of him. then Pocket Full of Rocks ended up being cool. Then came BRIAN of the Backstreet Boys, and yes I took pictures, and I really wish I didn't know all the words to all the old BSB songs. but I bet you do too so who cares. did you know: the Backstreet Boys are currently working on a new album? and then came Third Day who I knew would be kind of hard for me to get through without crying because I got saved during them last year even though I didn't know it at the time... anyway, in the middle of it the singer starts talking about how no one can really understand what Jesus did for us and who He really is and I just broke down... and then they sang Cry Out To Jesus which didn't help but it wasn't like I was sad... more like I was really happy... things have changed so much since last year. but then Steve gave me a hug and so did Leann and I don't remember who else and I was good.

WEDNSDAY: well, it rained. and I missed The Wedding and Seventh Day Slumber and let me tell you I didn't appreciate that :). but after a boring morning because of the darn rain we went up to the stage and strolled around the merchandise tent and I saw Pocket Full of Rocks again and basically figured out why I felt so much like I had to quit dance... that wasn't exactly cool but it did make me feel better. then Gritz sucked as usual but I MET THE WEDDING and wooooo it was cool! then Matt Redman was fun and Brittany got to sing Dancing Generation which basically made her life. then Rebecca St. James sounded incredibly eighties most of her show but SLOPPY JOE = HERO and hey it was fun. and that takes us into Kutless... let me tell you something about Kutless. they're amazing enough that people mosh, and if you're ever at a show, make a plan with your two crazy friends for sudden evacuation just in case :). but then we went to get their autographs and met Tara and Courtney (is he with the band? no, he's with the porter-potties!) and they screamed at us and that was indescribable so I'm not going to try... wow it was awesome. Then was Mercyme and the three of us (me, Brittany and Leann) decided to go down and show the old people how to dance... basically a bad idea but we had fun. then it stormed like heck all night so everything got soaked... but that's ok... me and Kassie had some fun conversation in our tent.. "with a lip ring!"

THURSDAY: it rained. hard. so hard that we had to come home. but I was reminded of why I love Sanctus Real as much as I do. and we saw a Paul Baloche seminar so my life was pretty much complete. AND I got a copy of Relient K's "mmhmm" in VYNIL RECORD form, I kid you not... darn orange shirts :).

FRIDAY: I wrote a song and played my guitar for the first time in ever and then we left home around 2:00 for what turned out to be an amazing day. First, Steve (the river, don't ask) didn't wash our tents away and somehow almost everything was dry. then we heard this guy speak and his name was Justin Lookadoo (is he Jewish?) and he was basically the funniest person I've ever seen as well as being incredible... "that's step six!"then the shows. missed Copeland and that made me kind of sad but oh well. Anberlin turned out not being very good live. no one cares about Desparation Band. Justin Lookadoo = hero. DID YOU KNOW!: The Afters met each other because they all worked at the same Starbucks? have you EVER seen more than three workers at a Starbucks? there's six people in this band. and they wrote a song about a friend who worked there. SEVEN PEOPLE at one Starbucks? anyway they were amazing and I really want to hear more of them. then came Chris Tomlin who never lets me down and we had to ductape Leann's wristband. and then was woooooooo Relient K and there's a good reason I was looking forward to them for quite a while. because right before they came on stage these people had been talking about the food vendors and then they came out and one of the guys goes "yeah, I had NUGGETS for dinner" I laughed. and let me just say that it's my new goal in life to watch an original VHS copy of Top Gun.

SATURDAY: they really do save the best for last. we left around noon, just me and Brittany like last year, because Kassie was feeling sick and Leann was coming with her parents later. we wandered around for a while and ran crazy-fast for the front row as soon as they would let us and YES WE GOT FRONT ROW and wow I was psyched... who cares that you have to stand up for eight hours straight before your band comes on? but the first band was Falling Up and they were GOOOD, better than I expected at least. then was Hawk Nelson and it was just FUN, no intense message or anything but oh well. and they busted out a kazoo in the middle of their show and it made me smile. David Nasser, the speaker for the night, didn't let me down as I knew he wouldn't. he said that maybe Christianity shouldn't be so much about changing your actions in order to change your heart, but literally (ok, not literally, but you know what I mean) EXCHANGING your heart for the one God has made for you and changing your actions because of that... and that made so much sense to me. then was Thousand Foot Krutch who once again didn't let me down, maybe you haven't heard of them but if you're looking for some good Christian hard rock PICK THEM.

then came what we'd all been waiting for (really), Audio Adrenaline's last Alive performance. for basically the whole first half I was jumping and singing, then as it got later the songs started slowing down and I realized, hey, I may never see this band again... I've seen three shows and been in the front row twice and that's more than any other band... Ocean Floor gets me every time and we're not even going to talk about King because I basically broke down. and not even mostly because of them... it was because of everything... how terrible and how amazing Alive had been at the same time and how it was over... for what God was doing in me... for what I finally know He's going to do with me... for the realization that I'm not in control of anything really but I have the God who actually is in control on my side... and He loves me and no matter what is doing what's best for me... be it something as big as CBT or as small as missing the House of Heroes show... that I am dead because He died and now I can really live because He lives... and that I am free... and no one can take that away from me... because God is God and we are not... and AA taught me so much of this... and you can't blame me for crying, okay? and the guy who took a picture of us during all this, well, he was cool. just kidding.

and that was Alive oh six... long I know... but it couldn't have ended on a better note than it did and I'm glad it happened like it did. rain taught me a lot. and mud is the new black.

<3333333 Rosie

never mind :(

2006-06-22T18:50:00.000-07:00

Alive basically got rained out and I'm angry. It rained all yesterday morning, yesterday night, and this afternoon, so after missing a ton of good shows (though not all, Third Day and Kutless were both amazing and Mercyme was fun) we just packed up and came home this afternoon, and we'll be back for Friday and Saturday but probably not staying there. ugg.

Let me just say that if you haven't heard Sanctus Real, you need to. They are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

see ya'll... Sunday maybe?

make me laugh please :)

2006-06-19T18:42:00.000-07:00

wooooooooo it's that time again!

I'm at ALIVE as you read this

so comment

and make me smile?

funniest gets... something I buy at Alive (aka some cheap little keychain or something)

so yes, comment

and comment on the other comments

and comment till you drop

woooooo!

there's no point to this post :)

2006-06-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

Today: Paul McCartney, writer of that old Beatles song "When I'm Sixty-Four," turns sixty-four... I wonder if he got a birthday bottle of wine?

Did you know that Queen is credited for mostly inventing the music video? Bohemian Rhapsody was the first majorly shown video ever. (& it's terrifying & I love it... see it if you ever get the chance :))

Queen is also second in all-time record sales in Britian... the Beatles are first.

I probably shouldn't know any of this being thirteen (forteen in a month and two days) but I don't really care :).

TWO DAYS WOOOOOO!

ALIVE = AMAZING & I CAN'T WAIT AAAAAAAAH!

haha did I live up to my title?

Yokeage?

2006-06-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

This was written right after reading Beckie's post on the BSBCI blog... I commented but this is an important subject to me so I wanted to say a lot... covering the friends aspect of it all, though, daiting is of course totally different...

I am going to start this one off with on of my least favorite verses because it causes quite a bit of contreversy inside yours truly:

2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

First, to answer those final two questions: righteousness and wickedness have nothing it common, except that they coexist; were that not true, why would there be meaning to life? Were there no wickeness, how would we know righteousness, and vice versa? WHERE WOULD ALL THE GOOD STORiES COME FROM? (sorry writer kicking in lol). As for the second, light is in constant fellowship with darkness... we call it day and night. Precicely half of the world is always in darkness, the other alight. God created it to be this way. Once again, if we never had brushes with darkness, we'd never be able to truly see the light... and now I'm incredibly off-topic. Point being, they may have nothing in common, but let's face it: no matter what, believers and unbelievers are going to be coexisting with each other and we might as well take advantage of it.

And yes, this leads us in to point number two (sorry I've discovered a passion for editorials and etc): taking advantage of it. Think about how you ended up having a relationship with Jesus. I know for quite a few people it was growing up in a strong church, but in my case, it was a friend and then a festival that pulled me in: Emily Kozy + Alive wooo six days! and yes, Emily and I had been friends for a long long time, but if she'd stopped hanging out with me because I was an "ubeliever," per se, where would I be now? Ok maybe I would have still gone to Alive and etc but maybe my situation is not such a good example. In the end, if Christians refuse to be "yolked together with unbelievers," who's going to share the truth with them?

Finally... tying this in with Beckie's post because that's what inspired it all... the little girl and bigger boy illustration. Beckie, you said that it showed how Christians are more likely to weaken in their faith than to lead the other to God, yes, in daiting at least. I just don't believe that's true in friendships; I can't believe that. Probably an even half of my friends are Christians, and yes, the other half are "nonbelievers." Here comes that half again: night and day; wicked and righteous. Some of these people are indeed some of my best friends and I don't see a probelm with that as long as God is numero uno. I believe in evangelism and I believe that God created night and day in such a way as to be constantly equal... so that we do have to deal with the darkness in order to fully understand the light :).

thoughts? I hope so. comment even if it's just to say that we need another girls night out soon.

<33333333 Rosie

ouch.

2006-06-04T13:07:00.000-07:00

"Hitler: Forgotten Christian?" http://allpoetry.com/poem/2051297

this honestly hurt to read... it goes right along with the idea that no one seems to mind offending Christians... if you don't want to feel like you're about to vomit, don't read it... how can people be like this???

don't take offense at my innuendo, please.

2006-06-03T10:08:00.000-07:00

and yes, those are Queen lyrics, and no, "innuendo" does not mean what you think it does.

I've been noticing this lately, especially with the Da Vinci Code madness. Why is everyone so offended by Christianity, yet no one seems to care if they offend Christians? I was at a friend's house last night, there were six of us, and only two of us are Christians. One girl (not mentioning names, thanks) is a BIG Da Vinci fan and was telling us about it, and though she promised she didn't believe it was true (and yes she was being honest) she made a few comments about Christianity in general that I really didn't appreciate, just little things, like "oh, she's being a hypocrite, is she a Christian?" and I really wanted to say something but I've had some BAD experiences with witnessing to this girl. But I don't think anyone noticed that I'd been hurt by those little things, just because they're used to that. Everyone is in this world. even I'm getting used to it.

But this is what I mean: Christians have to be SO CAREFUL around unbelievers in order to make a good impression on them but I've never seen an unbeliever careful of their words around a Christian. It's one thing to swear and take God's name in vain because that is in a sense the language of the world but another thing entirely to say things that really could hurt someone. I just don't understand why-- I'm thinking it's because as Christians we're supposed to put the feelings of others before our own but most people just can't do that, heck, a lot of Christians just don't do that... but that's beside the point. I love my friends absolutely to death despite their beliefs, but I just wish they'd understand that I can be just as offended as they can.

opinions? comment please. thank you :)

well yesterday was Geauga Lake day... wow... I RODE THE BATMAN GUYS!! wooo I owe Brittany and Jackie a million for making me do that because it was SO MUCH FUN! aah and then I went to the CBT banquet which is my last one for at least a year... it always takes something like the banquet to make me realize what I've really done dancing... how much I've learned... what I've been a part of... something bigger than my tears... than my body... I think I've been part of some kind of miracle... but then I went to the formal for the last half hour or so and EVERYONE LOOKED SO PRETTY AAWWW! wow I can't believe how fast middle school has gone by and I can't believe that for the most part eighth grade is over... wow. fun stuff though. (and that's the part of this post that has no point.)

<3333 Rosie

p.s. 17 DAYS TILL ALIVE... http://alive.org you know you're coming, right?

19 and counting

2006-06-01T16:12:00.000-07:00

19 DAYS 'TILL ALIVE FESTIVAL 2006... IF YOU'RE NOT COMING THEN YOU SHOULD BE!

just for the record, my parents liked BSBC... hard to say if they'll be back but I know I will :)

woooooo four more days of school! and tomorrow we go to Geauga Lake for band/chior and I'm really excited! then tomorrow night is the end-of-year CBT banquet at which I guess I'll get my official company farewell... hmm... then I get to go to the 8th grade formal for like the last hour and that will be my last real middle school event. I don't know if I should be happy or not, middle school has been fun and I've learned a lot but there's also a lot I'm really not going to miss. we'll see on Wednsday, I know I'm going to cry regardless. oh well.

but WOW I am SO EXCITED FOR SUMMER!!! I'm excited for just about everything, come to think of it... I love this time of year... it's lovely outside and I grab the seats by the fan inside... no pressure at dance... turning everything in and knowing it's the LAST thing at school... counting down the days/hours/minutes 'till Alive and camp (which is 46 by the way!)... woohooo there was no point to this post!

and we'll finish with some Queen as usual... (so maybe it's not meant to be about God but hey it could be and it can be about friends too (that's you guys!) plus I LOVE QUEEN! hehe since I'm so seventies and all)

Ooo, you make me live
Whatever this world can give to me
it's you, you're all I see
ooo, You make me live
and whenever this world is cruel to me
I've got you to help me forgive
ooo, you're my best friend...

oh, the possibilites...

2006-05-30T17:52:00.000-07:00

Rosie's advice for summer:

S-U-N-S-C-R-E-E-N.

good idea yep.

other than that... WOOOOOOOOOOO SIX DAYS LEFT!! I AM SO PUMPED FOR SUMMER GUYS!! aaaaah and my parents are coming to parent's night... little nervous considering they're both hardcore Catholics... hoping they don't get lost on the drive over lol... we'll see. be nice :).

<333 Rosie

Everybody's changing... and I don't feel right.

2006-05-24T13:45:00.000-07:00

I HATE COMPUTERS. enough said.

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same...

nine days at TMS.
Saturday at the studio.
then it's over.
It sort of feels like everyone is changing; like maybe I really can't count on anyone. It feels like something big is about to end-- then again, it is. It feels like everyone's changed and grown and learned and lost and won and all over again since the beginning of this year and it's just me who hasn't done it all the same way... and I guess I haven't. sometimes I feel so much older than everyone else my age because dancing has forced me to grow up so fast, not that I mind... I took the road less traveled by, and it has made all the difference.

<3333333 Rosie

I've just got to get out of this prison cell...

2006-05-19T13:47:00.000-07:00

there 12 days left in eighth grade and I am oh so glad. this year has been incredibly up-and-down and there's been a lot of pain but a lot of good stuff too. every morning I get up and get on the bus and spend a nice 20 minutes chatting with the wonderful Emily Kozy and then I go to Work and Family and look around and think boy, I can't wait to get OUT OF HERE!!! because for the most part I've absolutely hated middle school. not my friends of course and not how my faith has changed but school itself is just not cool and my parents have been incredibly overbearing at times. I can't wait for high school when I can decide for myself where I want to go and what I want to be and my parents can't stop me and my friends can't make me be someone I don't want to be. a lot of people are scared but I see it as a fresh start now that I know I'll have my dance people there all the way for me. yes I may lose a lot (some friends mostly) but God's end will justify the pain it takes to get me there... and I believe that with all my heart...

I work hard every day of my life
I try and I try and I try
but everybody wants to put me down
they say I've gone crazy, I've got no common sense,
'she's got nobody left to believe'
I've just got to get out of this prison cell
I just can't get no relief, Lord...
-Queen again

I'll post next time something happens I guess!
<3333 Rosie

It's not over.

2006-05-07T16:55:00.000-07:00

let's start off with some Queen...

it's so easy
when you know the rules
it's so easy
all you have to do is fall in love
oh, play the game called love...

ballet = love.

and I'm playing the game.

I gave up when things got to hard and misinetpreted God. but now that I'm better... it's not over.

my game called love has just begun...

everything You would change in me...?

2006-04-27T09:45:00.000-07:00

I wanted to be something that's different
Something you said would change in me
I wanted to see anything different
EVERYTHING YOU WOULD CHANGE IN ME...

Oh God... I want to change. I just wish it wasn't so gosh-dang hard to follow you. Is there really anything better for me? Children's Ballet Theatre has done more for me than I would ever have dared to imagine... how could anything be better? I don't get it, God!!!! I want to do what You want me to do but I don't think I can. or at least I'm scared to. God, please just understand...

why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when dreaming ends? one day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday...

<333 Rosie

p.s. I know that made no sense, there was more but it was just me feeling sorry for myself and that wasn't cool! so if you really want filled in on what's been going on just tell me. and either way keep smiling because it makes life easier :).

Contrition

2006-04-23T15:00:00.000-07:00

Another Rosie original...

I'm incredibly pround of the second stanza of this poem (begins with reminiscent)-- it makes sense if read normally line by line, or if you read only the left, right or middle columns. and, listen to the Nothing is Sound album by Switchfoot if you haven't. it's amazing.

-edit- well guys, the spacing didn't quite work and that's what makes this one good... s you're gonna have to click something to read this one, ok? click here please. and scroll down to the fourth post. (this is where I post all my writing if you're that interested... thanks a ton if you are!).

Twilight

2006-04-10T18:37:00.000-07:00

In someone you need fear no ill:

Do you dare trust the great until?

Does there exist a fellow friend;

Someone in whom souls transcend?

Often though the question rings;

A few have opened up their wings:

Yes, my friend, turn forth your eyes,

Someone believes you're worth the try.

please guys. http://allpoetry.com/poets/SunbeamArchitecture

Stereotypical

2006-04-07T19:59:00.000-07:00

Yet another new one from Rosie...

In one that harmony is tried:
Such is a life dissatisfied:
Appearance is the start to love
It is not that you're dreaming of
For when love lies and masquerades;
It's eyes that induce dismay;
Such that hearts are torn and pied:
Such is a life dissatisfied.

(c) Rosie Murphy 4/7/2006

comments please.

Contemplating

2006-04-07T12:59:00.000-07:00

another new one from Rosie...

I wonder if it's just a craze

That we all choose our separate ways;

For in the end, a select few

Stumble upon the thin way true;

The way unbroken; the way to You.

http://allpoetry.com/poets/SunbeamArchitecture... I'm always open.

just some thoughts...

2006-03-22T12:07:00.002-08:00

just some stuff in regard to all the stuff that's been going on at school...

2 Timothy 2:23 Don't have anything to do with stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.

Matt 5:22 But I tell you, anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgement.

Proverbs 17:14 Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop a quarrel before a dispute breaks out.

I don't own emotion... I RENT.

2006-03-08T13:05:00.000-08:00

RENT = BESTMOVIEEVEROHMYGOODNESSSEEITNOW.

What You Own- from Rent of course.

Don't breathe too deep
Don't think all day
Dive into work
Drive the other way
That drip of hurt
That pint of shame
Goes away
Just play the game
You're living in America
At the end of the millenium
You're living in America
Leave your conscience at the tone
And when you're living in America
At the end of the millenium
You're what you own
Just tighten those shoulders
Just clench your jaw 'til you frown
Just don't let go
Or you may drown
So I own not a notion
I escape and ape content
I don't own emotion -
I rent... and I quit
Dying in America
At the end of the millenium
We're dying in America
To come into our own...

isn't that the truth? We're drowning ourselves in "American culture-" where you're what you own. Whatever happened to a culture being defined by its artists, its revolutionaries? I say we bring the old way back. I am an artist. My future might involve not a whole lot of money or "success" by current definition, but at least I'll have my dignity. And I'm not selling out, whatever the cost. I refuse to die in America at the start of this millenium. Who's with me?

<333>

P.S. even if you're not with me... see Rent. yes, there are a few lyrics, lines, ideas, etc. that aren't exactly wholesome family values... but see it anyway because it's good. SOOO GOOD.

truth?

2006-02-28T12:28:00.000-08:00

ok, I think you guys know that I've grown up in the Catholic church and am just starting to question my beliefs. there was a period when I thought what I learned at Banished was the firm unarguable truth, and now I'm questioning that again... there's just so much that needs clarified! and, most of my friends seem like they're still into blindly accepting their one view and not looking into the other churches to see if there might be truth there.

I got into a few arguments today... well, not really arguments, but disagreements. Emily and me had a big thing on the bus over whether or not you can lose your salvation- I think we all know who had which side- and what works have to do with it. I think I'll shoot out the verses that have been tripping me up:

-Matt 7:21 not everyone who says to me "Lord, Lord" will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.- now this one actually says ENTER THE KINGDOM. not be rewarded, etc., but these words (JESUS'S words) are saying that not doing the will of God is enough to earn you a ticket to hell.

-James 2:26 As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.- explination needed? I don't think so, but ok. what good is dead faith? If you have time, go and read all of James 2:14-26. now, just as it said, "show me your faith without deeds."

-1 Corinthians 6:9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? (goes on to list various examples of wrongdoing, adultrey, idolarity, theivery, etc.)- this is the most plain and simple of them all, isn't it?

well there you have it. please give me some insight.

<3 Rosie

Evangelist

2006-02-24T12:11:00.000-08:00

Evangelist
by Rosie Murphy

glance behind
can you recall the past?
the moment you entrusted
yourself
to greater care

you promised to serve
why
did you give up?

I don't believe
you believed
it was for the best

so you want to be
a disciple?
so you want to share
the Word?

why did you
run away?
there has to be more
my friend
more to give
and less to take

do you have nothing to say
to the ones
who need to hear?

I don't
understand
do you?

Begin Again

2006-02-22T12:13:00.000-08:00

my favorite poem in the whole wide world (this will probably change by next week)...

Begin Again
by Susan Coolidge

Every day is a fresh beginning,
Every day is the world made new;
You who are weary of sorrow and sinning.
Here is a beautiful hope for you--
A hope for me and a hope for you.

All the past things are past and over,
The tasks are done and the tears are shed;
Yesterday's errors let yesterday cover'
Yesterday's wounds, which have smarted and bled.
Are healed with the healing which night has shed.

Yesterday is now a part of forever,
Bound up in a sheaf, which God holds tight;
With glad days, and sad days, and bad days which never
Shall visit us more with their bloom and their blight,
Their fullness of sunshine or sorrowful night.

Let them go, since we cannot relieve them,
Cannot undo and cannot atone;
God in His mercy, recieve, forgive them;
Only the new days are our own,
Today is ours, and today alone.

Every day is a fresh beginning,
Listen, my soul, to the glad refrian,
And, spite of old sorrow and older sinning,
And puzzles forecasted and possible pain
Take heart with the day, and begin again.

Beautiful, yes?
<3>

ok I've got some news for ya'll! I am LEADING WORSHIP at my church's youth group and I am beyond excited. A little scared, but excited. Open the Eyes of My Heart, It Is You, and Blessed Be Your Name, for my first time EVER performing. just me and my guitar. but Brittany is coming to sing along and I am greaaaaaatful because I don't want to be the only one singing! I love to sing but it's not exactly my major self-esteem point... so whoohoo! see ya'll soon!

whoo hoo!

2006-02-21T13:37:00.000-08:00

Well guys I caved in and got me a blog! yay! I probably won't post all that often 'cause I still love my xangaaa but I can comment now so yeees. whoohoo! haha so out of it today..

<3 ya'll, Rosie